The Last Petrova

Humanity

 Her scream was followed by two dozen more screams as the nobles shut their eyes and covered their ears in terror. I then headed over to the woman's husband- 

"Running away when your wife was in need of you- not very heroic, now was it?" I said, right before tearing off his arm-

A smashing sound was heard as the front doors came flying off their hinges. "Enough!" Elijah's voice rang throughout the ballroom.

I rolled my eyes in disappointment. "You're ruining the fun, Elijah," I said to him. "Now go away. We don't want you here," I said, wrapping my arm around Kol's shoulder.

Within the blink of an eye, Elijah had snapped Kol's neck in two. "That wasn't very nice!" I said sharply as I bared my fangs. 

"Helena, turn your humanity back on," Elijah compelled me, staring deep into my eyes. I froze. I closed my eyes, and then-

"Oh my god," I said in a shaky voice, stumbling backwards. "What did I- What have I-" I jerked my head upwards. The screaming of the burning woman had disappeared, and had instead been replaced with a haunting silence.

I sank to the floor on my knees, my shoulders shaking uncontrollably. I could hear Elijah compelling all the surviving nobles to forget everything that had happened, after feeding them his blood to heal them.

My vampire hearing picked up on the sound of ash being sprinkled onto the floor. I stared in horror of what I had done... What did I just do?

"I'm here, it's going to be alright," Elijah said, pulling me into a tight embrace. I shook my head furiously. How could things be alright? Turning one's humanity off didn't transform one into a totally different person- it simply showed a different side of oneself. Meaning... 

Meaning that crazy, psychotic, sadist I had become during the past hour was a part of me. I'd spent all my life criticizing the Mikaelsons for their violence, comforting myself in the knowledge that I could never be like them... But was that even true? Had it ever been true?

My thoughts traveled to my mother, the person I hadn't thought of in so long for doing so would only bring me pain. I had adored her, I had looked up to her, and had held onto her every word as she taught me lessons of being a leader each day. I had always been in awe of how she could bring about respect despite being a rare Queen ruling her country herself as King. But I later realized it wasn't respect in her councilmen's eyes, it was fear. To prevent any questions from arising about her leadership, she had thought all the necessary steps ahead of time. Any who dared to challenge her in even the slightest way would end up with their body on one side of the room and their head on the other.

Was that where this violence had come from? Not from the Mikaelsons, but from my mother? Or was this insanity that had been trapped inside of me a creation entirely of my own?

We returned to the Mikaelson Abattoir several minutes later. I immediately headed up to my room, closing the door behind me and sinking onto the floor as I heard Elijah shout to his brothers.

"All our secrets are kept safe and away from Mikael because of the governor's hunger for riches. What happens if he decides to change his mind? What happens if you take a step too far and he decides to let the word get out? What then, Kol? Do you realize the governor's son was at that party you attended? Had it been he who had been killed-" 

"But it wasn't! It wasn't, Elijah, so what's the big deal? You're only mad because I unleashed the part of your girlfriend you didn't want to see. You want to see her as this perfect little angel in need of a protector from the big bad Mikaelsons- she's not a human girl anymore, brother! There is a darkness inside her, and all I did was simply let it be free-" 

"Are you actually daring to defend your actions? Do you have any idea what Helena is going through right now? You may enjoy shredding lives apart like they are sheets of paper, but she is not like you. And I give you my word, I will die before I let you diminish the light inside of her!"

I could hear both brothers panting. Then I heard fading footsteps, and I guessed that Kol had walked away.

"And you," Elijah said to Niklaus, "How could you just sit by and watch this happen? Can you really look me in the eye and tell me you do not care for Helena's life in the slightest, after all these years of being around her?" Elijah demanded.

Three seconds of silence. 

And then, "Forgive me, Elijah- But I'm going to have to take Kol's side on this one. I simply find it intriguing as to what can happen when the kindest souls lose all the compassion they have inside of them..." Niklaus trailed off. "When they lose what makes them whole. When they lose their humanity," he finished.

That night, I couldn't sleep. Of course I couldn't. So instead, I stared out the window, out towards the full moon, which was shining in the distance.

I heard my room door open, and I quickly turned around to find Elijah staring at me. He was holding something in his hands... But what?

"This is what I spend the day searching for," Elijah said, holding up a vial filled with a liquid of yellow hue. "Vervain extract. There's more downstairs. I had feared something like this may happen sooner or later... Obviously, I made a horrible choice in timing," Elijah said to me, pressing the vial against my hand. "It will protect you from compulsion," he told me. I nodded.

"Thank you," I said quietly.

"Helena, today wasn't your fault, that wasn't you," Elijah said. 

"How can you be so sure, Elijah? Me without my humanity is still me- that monster was a part of myself. How can I continue on with acting like I am a wonderful person who has done no wrong in her life when I just-" My words were cut off when Elijah kissed me.

"We all have secrets we keep locked away, Helena. We all have monsters hidden within the deepest depths of our souls. It's okay to leave it in the past and try to move past it. But you cannot be afraid of facing it. Or it will end up taking you over," he said to me, before leaving.

I held the vial of vervain up to the window, allowing the light of the full moon to flood through it. With a sigh, I uncorked it, then sent its contents spilling down my throat. I gasped and coughed out in pain as I felt my insides burning up.

Then I slammed the vial down onto the windowsill.

OMG GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GETTING THIS BOOK TO 1K READS!!  

Oh and if you're a ripper Stefan fan like I am, be excited for the next couple of chapters! I'll be posting them soon :)