Flying Solo

Chapter 10 - Coconut

8th April 2014 - 31 Weeks

It’s hot.

Too hot for Jordan. She has struggled with being too hot for her entire pregnancy. No matter how little clothes or how high she had the fans turned up, it still felt like she was sitting in a sauna.

Jordan had been contemplating as to whether it was unusually hot for the time of the year or if she was just suffering because of her overly sensitive and hormonal state.

OVer the course of the week, Jordan had found herself in tears over the most mundane things. 

For instance, just yesterday Jordan couldn’t open a jar of sauce and so that led into a 30 minute crying session because somehow she had convinced herself that it was a sign that she would be a terrible mother.

Over a jar of sauce.

When she attempted to go out at the weekend with her friends, it took her 2 hours to get ready because she couldn’t find a comfortable pair of shoes to wear to go out in. This then spiralled into another crying session with her having to be picked up off of the floor by her friends because she was stuck.

The end result was all four of them hysterically laughing until they were crying again. 

Other than the emotional bursts from Jordan, her 31st week of pregnancy had come around very quickly and she was very much aware that anytime now she could be admitted to hospital to have her baby.

Jordan had been spending time sitting on her own, coming to terms with the fact that in 9 weeks or less, the coconut sized baby she was currently carrying would be on the outside of her body and she was still trying to come to terms with that.

Currently Jordan was sitting in shorts and a sports bra with her very prominent bump on display. 

She had a bowl of sweets resting on her bump, chuckling to herself at her own laziness.

Although physically she was doing nothing, her head was creating checklists after checklists in order to prepare for her baby.

The last 2 weeks had been non stop preparation, work, house hunting. She had finally found a quaint 2 bedroom house that was approximately 10 minutes away from her parents house and 5 minutes closer to her work. The only downside to the property was it wouldn’t be ready for another 2 or 3 weeks. 

Her hospital bag for herself and her baby was prepped. She had her car seat installed in her car now, just in case and her parents car seat was on standby. 

Everything she needed was ready. It was just a case of mentally preparing herself and she had quickly discovered that watching ‘One Born Every Minute’ on TV was NOT the way she should be doing that.

All Jordan had done was traumatised herself. 

So instead she had taken to her notes in her maternity booklet and had a read through and jotted down some questions to ask Emma at her appointment today. 

As positive as Jordan had tried to stay this week, her emotional rollercoasters had caused an enormous amount of doubt and worry to seep into her about raising the child on her own.

She found herself checking, double checking and triple checking for everything she needed and writing and rewriting coping techniques for herself. Jordan was reading parenting books like she was studying for a school exam.

It wasn’t until her mother had found her at 4am, sat crossed legged in the middle of the living room floor with a huge stack of baby clothes that she told her about her feelings.

“What if I do it wrong?” she had asked her mum. Her mum obviously understanding what she meant by ‘it’

“Do you think I did it wrong?” Her mother had spun the question back on her.

“No, I don’t think you did.” Jordan shook her head in denial.

“Now, if you would have asked your grandma, she would have told me that I could have done things better. But. My point is. No one really knows how to be a parent, we all just wing it and hope for the best and anyone who tells you they're a perfect parent is a cock head.” 

Her mothers tone was serious but neither her orJordan could hold in their laughter after her speech. “Seriously though Jordy, we all do our best and that is all we can do. As long as your child grows up to be polite and respectful and hardworking, I consider that successful parenting.”

Her mother kissed her head and got up and held her hands out for Jordan to take, “Now, go to sleep and stop fretting. You can do this. Leave the mess, we’ll sort it tomorrow.”

After the early morning conversation with her mum, Jordan still felt a little bit skeptical but a lot of her worries she was able to subdue to the back of her mind by just reminding herself that no one is perfect and even made herself laugh a few times by suggesting to herself that if her baby grew up to be a murderer or something then she would know she failed as a mother.

Jordan was sitting waiting in the doctor's office for her appointment. Mindlessly drumming her fingers on her baby bump to the songs on the radio. Her baby decided to kick back. So smiling to herself she decided to tap a different area of her bump only for her baby to follow.

Jordan had been lost in her own world for sometime when she was broken out of her reverie by a middle aged snotty looking woman commenting on her situation, thinking she was being quiet.

“No man will want her if she has a kid before being married.”

Jordan just shook her head and went to play with her baby again, when Emma came out calling her name. She decided to use this opportunity to finally stand up for herself.

Before she walked out of the waiting area, she went over to the woman and said, “Isn’t it a good job that I have no interest in getting married. Seeing you be this bitter is my final reason not to be. I hope your husband is happy in your marriage because you don’t seem to be.” 

Jordan then sauntered off towards where Emma was standing with a satisfied smirk on her face. Emma pulled Jodan in for a brief hug and whispered in her ear, “It’s about time someone did that. Proud of you babes.”

They walked side by side into the room chatting about everything from the weather to Jordans upcoming house move and girls weekend.

Her appointment was the same as last time. Measure her bump, listen to the heart, check her blood pressure. 

Everything was in normal ranges. Even her blood results from checking her iron levels had come back normal. Only just, but normal nonetheless.

Emma had asked her to sit down and take a look at the birth plan section of her booklet and put in some more detailed explanations and ideas of what she wanted to happen or not happen so the next time they saw each other they could discuss it.

So, with 9 weeks to go, Jordan and her coconut baby were finally starting to be ready.