IPNOTIZZANTE - Damiano David

Reconciliation

Her emotions had been difficult to describe at that moment. She wasn't sure whether she was happy that she'd seen him, angry with the fact that he kept appearing in her life but not managing to stay, sad and frustrated that he broke her heart or just neutral since she was expecting it to be him. She could feel his presence around her, constantly.

"Damiano...", she whispered.

"It's not safe for you to be here on your own, at this time. Get in.", he had unlocked the car and pushed her side of the door open from inside of the car.

She had looked around to see whether there was anyone else there, and her face changed when she had noticed that the streets were hollow and they were alone. She had rolled her eyes and got into the car, slamming the door when closing them.

Damiano didn't say anything.

"Can you just take me home?", she asked without looking at him.

"Sure. Just guide me, I don't know where you live.", he had started the car again and began driving.

The ride was spent in silence for a few moments, irritating Amelia even more, so she had decided to finally start a conversation rather than pouting. "What are you doing outside at this time?"

Damiano's eyes were on the road the whole time. "Can't sleep. And I know the city is mostly empty at this time, so I often go out and just drive."

"How often?", she asked, now curious.

"Every night.", Damiano laughed, but there was a certain dose of pain heard in his laugh. "I just can't sleep that much."

"Since when?"

"Ever since you left, Amelia.", he had now finally looked at her and she could feel chills down her spine.

"I left?", she was hurt by his statement. "You're the one who fucking left me!"

"And I told you that I'm sorry, Amelia.", he started speeding, adrenaline rising. "I didn't want to kiss her, I didn't mean to have anything with her!"

"Then why the fuck did you do it, then?!", she started screaming, close to her tears she was feeling weaker with every sentence. "Why the fuck did you take the chance when I had left to the bathroom to kiss the first girl who started openly flirting with you?!", this was the most painful subject for her at that moment.

He had abruptly stopped the car in the middle of an empty street, realizing that they would probably end up in pieces if he continued driving." Because I was scared! I was scared of my feelings, I was scared of leaving you, pursuing my career without you in my life just as I start loving you! I was scared of not being able to balance my personal life and career, so I tried to distract myself and what I've felt for you with another person. "

Amelia scoffed." Did you sleep with her? "

Damiano looked at her in shock, his eyes still widened at the sight of her eyes ready to pour rivers and her hands shaking from nervousness. He couldn't tell her the truth.

"Damiano, I'm asking you once again... Did you or did you not sleep with Nina that night?", please don't tell me yes. Please don't say that your hands have touched another body.

"Amelia-"

"Answer the fucking question!", she screamed again.

"Yes!", he started screaming as well, then punching the steering wheel in agony. "I slept with Nina after knocking on your hotel room door like a lunatic! She was there and I was in pain!"

Amelia started crying. Those words cut even deeper than a knife, right into her heart and made her regret every piece of love that she had for him. Even the smallest remaining parts.

Then a shattering sound had filled the painful silence in between their screams.

It wasn't the car. It wasn't glass. It wasn't the bottle of gin that he had kept on the back seat.

It was her heart, which had been destroyed by the man whose shadow followed her everywhere.

"Amelia, I didn't mean to hurt you. But I've hurt myself by hurting you. You have no idea how I've felt this whole time. Empty. Broken. Unlovable."

She couldn't say anything since she was too busy trying to catch her breath.

There they were, reconciled and reconnecting, but not with each other, but with their own pain. In the middle of the street, in Rome, both in tears. Her silence hurt him more than any nasty word that she could say, more than any bad name she could have called him by. Her tears stung his soul and he had felt bigger guilt than the night when that had happened, the night when he had betrayed her.

She loved me. She waited for me. She trusted me... She supported me the whole time and had understanding for my life.

"Just say something, Amelia, please."

"I think you just lost me.", she finally spoke, with a shaky and weak voice. "I don't know what I saw in you, Damiano, but you're not the man I fell for."

"Please, Amelia, I'll do anything you want... Anything.", he grabbed her hands, but she had pulled them away. "Just let me be in your life, I can't stand being without you. I haven't slept well, I haven't eaten enough, I just can't breathe."

Amelia laughed hysterically and maniacally through tears. It was the shock. "You fucking manipulator. I loved you. I lost my only chance of getting over you, tonight, because of you!"

He had then realized what he had done and what she was going through because of his dumb mistake.

I need to leave her life. I need to let her go and let her be happy with someone else. I've ruined things enough anyway. I need to leave.

"I'm driving you home. And then I'm gonna leave, Amelia.", he wiped off the tears from her face and put his hands around it gently. "I'm not going to post pictures, I'm not going to call, text, follow you... I'm just going to let you be. I promise."

She shook her head 'no'. "I don't think I can handle this anymore."

He had moved his face closer to hers and after such a long time, their lips had connected again. Both could feel electricity going through their bodies, old memories flooding their minds and the familiar feeling arising.

Their lips were familiar with each other. Same feelings, different people. One reason for the brokenness.

He pulled away and started the engine once again. She sunk back into her seat. They didn't say anything more unless for directions to her house.

She could notice his hand shaking while he was putting on the radio just to kill the silence, and she had raised her hand slowly to touch his and calm him down, but she had put it back on her lap before the chance of their skin even touching.

He's not the same person anymore.