Angie, a live-in-the-now singer-songwriter on the cusp of fame, sweeps Mike, a proper Mama's boy and a structural engineer by day, off his feet the moment they shake hands.
They can't deny the chemistry between them, so they start with a boom. What'...
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▪️Thursday, December 17th, 2017▪️
▪️Chicago, IL▪️
Punch.
How do you manage the unmanageable?
Kick.
What the fuck was I thinking?
Punch.
Why did Ben not stop me?
Kick.
Who did I think I was?
Stopping the barrage of thoughts is harder today. I bend down and rest my hands on my thighs. I'm not regretting buying the dojang with Ben, but I'm not not regretting it either. I need the loan to come through. I sit on my knees praying to whatever is in charge of making this work for me. I need for time to slow down. I need to be right, to be able to do everything I signed up for. I bury my face in my hands and scrape the fucking stubble that's back again. How am I going to do it all? Promising Angie to go visit her in LA? That's fucking impossible. Five days away from the Academy when the instructors are out on vacation, and staffing the classes requires miracles? Impossible. I lie down on the creased, worn-out faux leather of the mats, and stare at the ceiling.
I want this to work so badly, my teeth ache from me grinding them day and night. My gut has never told me I should go for something, but with the dojang, I knew. Like with Angie. Did she make me trust myself again, or did she just kick at the glass and sound the alarms, showing me I can go for the things I actually want? The "shoulds" ruled the last five years of my life. I want to allow myself to want what I want. I want for things to work out. With Angie. With the dojang. I want this to be what I'm supposed to do with my life.
"Hello?" Ben's voice comes from the hallway.
"Over here." I don't get up.
Ben finds his way into the quiet room and lowers himself down next to me. "Why are you here? I'm going to pack up the rest of Mr. Chang's stuff. We agreed. You need a break."
"Couldn't fucking sleep." I cover my stinging eyes with my hand.
"Again?"
"Fuck off."
"What is it this time?"
Having Ben as my friend is the best thing that happened to me when I moved to Chicago. But having Ben as a friend means being ready to answer his question with more honesty than I'd like.
"I think I should cancel the LA trip."
"I thought we've figured out the budget." Ben pulls out his phone. "You saw our spreadsheet. I listed all the to dos on the dojang renovation tab. All the tasks are there. I'll supervise the measurements by the contractors. Probably will be next year when we see the bids. I don't need you here." He lowers his phone and looks at me. "You just passed your engineering exam, so that's out of the way. What am I missing?"
