a dance of doves & crows ( jonathan crane )

quarrels and questions .

note: heeyy beefier chapter than normal :D no particular warnings or heads up necessary! just more build up and getting to know jules, though i will say she goes through several mood swings this chapter. i hope it translates well, we're getting into the good stuff now !

song of the chapter  ;  sensitive artist - king missile

"Why..."

A thousand things exploded in her head upon seeing the purple book. Questions, emotions, comments all mixed and tangled together into an incomprehensible mess. All she could recognize was blatant confusion. ( And a little bit of fear... ? ) All in all , her brain was a bunch of old wires thrown together in a dark, forgotten cabinet and you had no idea where or how to begin detangling it all.

Why would Crane remember such a small detail about her? She had thrown out several different book titles along with Pride and Prejudice that day. The Princess Bride, The Wolf and the Dove, Jane Eyre... All stories that used to bring her joy. This was beyond a therapist taking notes on her, right? Why would he remember such a small detail from her life?

It was a rough morning the day she mentioned the book. She had a nightmare the night before their meeting, for the first time since she had committed her crimes and been arrested. Feeling weak and like she had taken several steps backwards, it stayed with her like a parasite for hours afterwards. Nauseous and afraid of her own mind, Jules was doing everything she could to avoid talking about her dream. Even if her doctor tried repeatedly to get her to talk about it.

In the end of it, Jules won. She won by deflecting the conversation entirely by bickering and arguing over the available books in Crane's office. She didn't have to relive those two days through the dream, and she didn't have to share it with Crane. She stalled until time was up.

At the time, it was a victory, escaping therapy to avoid vulnerability with Doctor Crane.

Her own bull-headedness kept her from endless humiliation and pain once again. She wasn't anywhere near ready to talk about what had happened, and she didn't think she ever would be with him. He would never get to see some parts of Jules, that much was for certain.

In a way, the book itself was a reminder of that meeting. If Crane remembered vague mention of a nightmare, the books, the conversation - it was a massive glowing red flag. Reminding her that the unreadable robot she spent half a year with still wanted to win their little game. Still wanted to crack her open and see what's inside.

( Why? Why on earth did he want her to share more about the dream? Did he know,  on some level, what it was about? )

"Selina Kyle asked me to give that to you yesterday."

He seemed to sense her shock, choosing to origin the intent of the book. Everything made a little more sense, like someone unraveled an old pair of earbuds from the wired mess and now you could start to see what was what. Jules deflated, glancing down at her lap to avoid Crane's look. That explained it. That should calm her. Crane wasn't using the book to trick her , or hurt her. He wasn't. He wouldn't.

At least - that's what she tried to tell herself, but paranoia was a hell of a thing. Once it started, it was hard to control, in her case. She could try to turn it into anger - but what if it was too late? What if she was going to be reduced to a dormouse again?

"When can I see Selina?"

"Was me giving you a gift that hard to fathom, Jules? I've given you lunches before."