❝ 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 ❞ - 𝐁𝐲 𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐞 ✔

𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐌𝐞

A/n : I want you guys to tell me honestly whether this story is good or not. Like is it even worth reading?

Recently, I am not really getting the motivation to continue because there are hardly any comments and thus, I am not getting any feedback.

Like do you find the chaps boring or something?

Without Me - Halsey

-

"You need to know something.. About me.. "

Am I really going.. to do this..?

It's can change.. everything..

No.. I have to..

"I need to tell you.. "

He was looking at me, his dark eyes burning deep holes inside my head as if he was trying to find out something that's hidden inside of me..

I took a deep breath and clenched my fists..

"I- I killed someone"

His eyes turned darker showing nothing but a sincere coldness..

This was it..

" I was the reason someone died.. "

" He was my childhood friend. A very good friend.. He was the only friend I had.. But he died because of me.. Because he knew me.. He lost his life because he was friends with me.. "

I could feel my heart breaking.. This pain and the guilt tearing me apart.. again..

He remained quiet, allowing me to speak..

" I was 6 years old when we became friends.. We were friends for quite some time.. We used to be together.. And we enjoyed each other's company.. He was a good dancer and I used to often watch him dance.."

"But he didn't know anything about my family.. I was too afraid to tell him.. I knew I would lose him.. But at the end I did.."

I could feel Seojun's gaze burning inside my head but I still continued..

" My family didn't know about him.. Everything was going well until middle school when everything changed.. everything.. "

I could feel my hands strembling as those memories started playing in front of me..

Blood.. His body.. Why..? Why.. did this happen? Why didn't I tell him.. about my family..? Th-this could have been.. avoided.. It was.. my fault.. I killed him.. People around me alway-always end up dying..

He noticed how I was terrified..

"Suho.. "

He tried to come towards me.. To comfort me.. No.. I don't deserve his comfort.. I don't deserve him.. I don't deserve anyone.. I AM A FUCKING MURDERER!

"No.. Let me finish.. you.. you need to know.. "

" I didn't go to school one day..I was sick so I stayed in my room.. That is the day he died.."

" But.. How..?"

" He came to my house that day.. Our teacher had given him my address and told him to give me my test papers and homework since our finals were near and our school was very strict about the academics"

If only he didn't come to my house.. If only I told him about my family.. If only I could go back and change everything..

I could feel my eyes tearing up but I somehow controlled it... This is not the time to break apart..

" It was raining quite heavily that day.. I wasn't feeling well so I didn't come out of my room.. Until I heard some voices.. Someone crying.. The voice of someone familiar.. "

"I went outside to see him lying on the floor.. crying.. He was there with my brother.. My brother threatened to kill him and hurt his family if he came near me.. if he saw him with me.. He was terrified.. I couldn't do anything.. I couldn't move.. If only I could have stopped my brother back then... None of this would have happened... He- would have still be alive and well.. "

By now, I was crying badly.. I was a sobbing mess but still it was enoug- enough.. I can't hold this in.. No-not anymore.. I am so sorry...

" He somehow got up and ran out of the house.. I was going to go after him when my brother stopped me.. He told me that it was my fault for even thinking about having a friend.. He told me that I was the reason.. he got hurt and he was not wrong.. "

The pain in my chest started to grow.. Stop.. Stop..

" I somehow managed to get out of the house.. And run behind him.. But it was too late.. "

That's it.

I couldn't hold back anymore..

The blood.. the screaming everything came back..

"I can't do this.. I-It hurts.. so bad.. "

Seojun held me tightly while I cried..

He didn't say anything but his silence was enough..

" He died.. in front of me.. his blood was lying all over the road... It wasn't a road accident.. It was because of me.. He was scared of his life.. that's why he ran.. He didn't see the green light.. He would have been alive now if he did.. I killed him.. SEOJUN.. I KILLED HIM.. I AM A MURDERER! " I shouted as the  tears continued to fall.

I held tightly onto his shirt...

I wanted to run.

Far away.

Far away from all of this.

But I can't.. I want to know the reason.. Why did I do it? Why did I kill him..?

I am a monster...

" That's why.. Stay away from me.. People around me will always end up dying... Even you didn't know about my family.. They could have hurt you.. I am so.. sorry.. "

Every pain.. Every memory.. Every secret.. It all came to life.. Again..

I can't breathe..

Please don't leave me..

" I want you to be alive.. Please.. Please.. Seojun.. "

" I don't want you.. to die..because of me.."

Don't leave me like him..

" Like Jimin.. "