It's 1989, you are in a highly successful all girl, hard rocking metal band. You're touring the world with a number of bands who don't take you seriously. One of them being Motley Crüe.
While most of the bands view you as groupies turned femrockers...
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You were caught between absolutely hating him for how he made you feel yet still being in awe at the progress on the album. You hadn't talked yet, not really. Just grunts of approval.
"I missed you old man" You smiled as you forcibly hugged Mick. You felt a one hand pat on your back and it was all the affection you needed in return. He sat back in his chair with his guitar, he could feel your eyes on him as he looked around the studio.
"I'm not getting involved" Mick said gruffly and you held your hands up in surrender. "What do you think of the album?"
He watched as you pulled up the song list you had written out, some arrangements had changed in some songs. You tapped the edge of your pen between your teeth.
"It's good, it's not Motley Crue. But hey, that may be a good thing" You stated with a shrug. "Nikki do all the writing on this album?"
"Mostly" Mick hummed as he began strumming random chords on his guitar. "The drama is eating the band alive. Six thinks we are all refreshed with Corabi. I don't know.."
"Have you heard from Vince?" You asked. You were initially met with silence until you heard someone behind you clear their throat. You turned your chair around to see Nikki stood there. His familiar cologne almost welcoming you.
"We don't mention him in here. It ruin's the process" Nikki said sternly. He didn't miss a beat as your eyes wandered over him. You missed his hair. But he was still Nikki Sixx, the guy who had your heart in an iron fist grasp.
"Where's Donna?" You asked in amusement, you watched his upper lip twitch, almost into a snarl.
"Where's Jani?" He asked in reply. He watched as you chuckled to yourself before turning your chair back around to face Mick. "I'm going for lunch."
"Whatever" Mick grunted in response to Nikki. As soon as the door closed Mick made eye contact with you. "You're loving this aren't you?"
Initially you weren't, not at all. But this was your job, and life wasn't always fair. Life bundled you into a work commitment with your ex. So you had to make the most of amusing yourself where you could. Or you would cry, or worse throw yourself at your ex-husband.
--
You moaned as you leant into his touch, you were hypnotized by the way he stared at you. Eager to hear every moan that escaped your lips. He knew exactly how to make you sing, and you missed it.
"Come on angel, I need you to ride me" He moaned breathlessly as he moved away from your previous position. He sat against the headboard, watching as you crawled towards him. "Good girl, quick before Donna comes home."
You sat up in a sweat and looked around the room, so...Disappointed. This had been the second time this week and it was so real. You could still feel his touch, smell his scent and...Poof. It was gone.
Tommy watched as you walked into the studio, hiding in the warmth of your coat on a cold morning in Vancouver. He was taken aback as you merely grunted hello before rushing past him. You had been like this, moody and inconsolable in the mornings.
"What's up with her?" Tommy asked John as he watched you slam the mixing room door open.
"Wouldn't you be that moody if you had to work with your ex everyday?" John said and Tommy hummed in agreement.
-
"Okay Babykills, take...One million" You grunted as you watched the guys in the studio. They had been driving you crazy all day, pissing around. Not taking it seriously. Bob was off today so it was just you and the sound engineers.
"You ever feel like you're getting your balls busted Sixx?" John asked in amusement. He could hear you letting out a yell of frustration behind the glass. You had been a woman on a mission all day when all they wanted to do was have fun. John had watched you order the guys around, even get a little bit cut throat with Nikki regarding the songs.
"My balls are on a big fucking block and everyone has a two by four" Nikki responded with a grin. "We need to get this song T-Bone!"
You watched as they took the piss out of your previous conversations with them about taking this shit seriously. You exhaled and rubbed your temples. Maybe you should let them loosen up a bit. But in reality, you wanted this album to be done with as soon as possible.
"Just sit down and shut up and play drums!" Nikki mimicked looking at Tommy who was stood up.
"No!" Tommy yelled back "We're not having fun"
"We're not supposed to have fun, we're musicians" Nikki responded playfully. He glanced over at the window, expecting to see you turning red with anger. But instead, you were just sat watching in amusement. He could have sworn you shot him a little smile.
-
"You okay babe?" Lita asked as you threw your bag to the side and slumped on the couch. She watched as you mumbled incoherently into the cushions. She turned off the TV and turned to you. "In english, please."
"I am still very much in love with Nikki after he very much stomped all over my feelings" You stated, your tone laced with frustration. "Being around him everyday is torture. Like real torture."
"You will find someone else who makes you feel that way" Lita reassured but you shook your head. How could that happen? You had spent years being content with being on your own. You didn't necessarily crave sex or affection. You just lived for preforming. But now, all you wanted was sex and affection from Nikki. Just anything. There was no-one else who made you laugh and feel so safe. He pulled the best out of you, and then also the very worst.
"I need to just stay strong Lita" You sighed. "He has a wife. And she's not me, so..."
"I'm sorry babe" Lita said rubbing your shoulder. "C'mon let's go to that ice cream place you like."
-
"Sixx" Nikki said picking up the hotel phone. He dreaded these phone calls, every single night. He felt suffocated. Why couldn't she understand that this, wasn't real. It just wasn't. His image needed her, but that's it. He didn't want a nagging wife, querying his every steps. He didn't want someone who made him feel tired down, someone begging him to put work into a marriage that wasn't..Real.
"Nikki, there are reporters calling and telling me, that she's there." Donna murmured down the phone. He could hear through her wobbly tone, she had been crying again. She always, cried. "Is she there?"
"She works with Bob, who's producing our album." Nikki sighed running a hand over his face. "I don't know what you want from me."
"Let me come up there, please" She begged. "I promise I won't get in the way, I just need reassurance."
"Reassurance for what?" Nikki snarled. "I don't love you Donna. This was all for show and if your little brain thinks otherwise, then that's your problem. Not mine."
He threw the phone down and pushed it off the side onto the floor. Donna was a waste of energy. Energy he needed to put into his music. He sighed as he turned on the TV. There he was, Vince. New album. Solo tour. Nikki growled and turned the TV off. He sat in the darkness of his hotel room. He almost wanted to drink. He almost wanted to do some blow.
But he definitely wanted to talk to you. Maybe, see if you forgave him. Maybe see if you wanted to pick up where you left off. You were a welcome distraction. And you hadn't left his mind, not for one second. He could have picked thousands of people to produce this album. He had the offers. But he needed to be close to you. To see how you were.
