The Gold of the Firepines

To The Firepines

Once she was out of her ropes, they didn't bother to tie Ms. Pauling up again. Even if she had such keen training and was sure she could concoct a way to get out of this, she wasn't positive she could take on all nine of the mercenaries...now that all nine were in on this ridiculous plan.

Ms. Pauling was buckled in the driver's seat, Heavy standing by the door and Sniper in the shotgun, so she couldn't make any sudden moves. Pyro was already in the backseat. They had a small unicorn with them and a lollipop in their pocket, bouncing in the middle seat waiting for the others. All she could do was sit as a hostage in her own car and wait for the men to get ready for their "little road trip."

"Do we really all gotta take one car?" Demoman asked. "I wanted the shotgun-" His slurred whines were cut off as Soldier slid into the seat right next to him, scooting him and Pyro over.
"Was it not your idea to ride in one American-made vehicle?" He asked.
"Nay!" Demo answered and pushed Soldier off of his shoulder. "And ye don't even know if this is American-made-"
"It is on American soil, so it is American!" Soldier rambled.

Pyro mumbled something like, 'that's not how it works' but the comment wasn't heard as the other side door opened and Scout began to push himself and a travel bag in.

"Alright, this ain't gonna work- onna you're gonna have to get in the trunk-!" Scout said, lodging himself in, but then accidentally knocked Pyro's plushie, getting him a small punch in the shoulder and 'watch it!'

"I thought Heavy was going in the trunk..?" Demoman said.

Heavy, hearing that, leaned his head in through the window, making Ms. Pauling lean back in her seat. "Heavy is not going in the trunk."

"I'll get in the trunk!" Soldier hopped out, almost excited. "This'll be my twenty-ninth time!"

"Soldier-" Heavy was about to try to stop him but then he stopped and sighed.

"This is ridiculous..." Ms. Pauling muttered. "You've all lost whatever sense you actually had before."

Sniper's door opened and Spy leaned in. "It is not ideal to be taking one vehicle, but the less space, the less opportunity for you to try anything, mademoiselle." He then looked to Sniper. "Slide over."

"If you think I'm sittin' in the middle, mate, you got another thing comin'." Sniper spoke with an edge that showed he was still not happy with him. We already had to move all this papers 'n whatever else-"

"Just sit in his lap, Spy." Medic said, coming up from behind. "You've done it before-"

"WOAH-" Scout looked disgusted between the two of them. "TMI, Medic, TMI-!"

"Hell fuckin' no-!" Sniper shouted defensively. "Carryin' someone who's injured to medbay is not the same as- God, I'm too tired for this conversation..." Pinching the bridge of his nose, the tired Australian got up, out, and gestured for Spy to get in. If he was going to be in the shotgun, he was going to be on the half of the seat by the window. Spy huffed and got in, just letting this go Sniper's way.

"Well, I think it would be easier if we stacked ourselves." Medic said and tilted his head looking at the amount of space. "Maybe, if we get Soldier back here, Demoman on Soldier, Scout on Heavy, Pyro on me-" He paused looking at Pyro. "On second thought, Scout on Pyro, and Heavy on me."

"I would crush you, doctor." Heavy huffed like it was obvious.
"Don't be silly; I have thighs of steel..! Literally and metaphorically-!" He slapped his upper leg and it sounded like he had a metal plate covering his leg.

"I aint gettin in no one's lap...I mean...I could sit on Ms. Pauling's la- HEY-!" Scout jolted a little and didn't finish his statement as Pyro poked their finger in his ribs. "That's it- I ain't sittin' anywhere by this freak...!"