"Landon, please! Just stop and talk to me!" she calls after him, still a few feet behind despite basically running just to keep up with him. "It isn't what you think."
Her words caused him to whip around, suddenly stopping in his tracks. He was staring at her with narrowed eyes, his head cocked to the side and he was practically fuming. Hope had never seen him this angry. She'd never seen him look at her with such contempt, such betrayal.
"It's not what I think?" he chuckled dryly. "Then tell me, Hope. What was it that I saw? Because from where I was standing, it looked an awful lot like you were gonna kiss her."
Hope stood in front of him in silence, fighting tears as she struggled to come up with an excuse. She couldn't bring herself to lie to him, she loved him too much for that, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him he was right either. He took a step forward, his face softening as his sadness began to overrun his anger. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you weren't going to kiss her, that you don't have feelings for her," he said, his voice wavering and quiet, the harshness from before was now faint.
Hope stood there speechless, she couldn't bring herself to lie to him, she knew he deserved better than that. But with every passing second that she didn't respond, Landon could feel his heart breaking more and more. "I can't," she admitted finally, her eyes filling with tears that were begging to be released.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"I know."
"I didn't mean for this to happen, I really did love you."
Landon fought back a sob at her choice of words, did love you. He looked up to the sky in a feeble attempt to keep his tears from drowning him. He wished he would've just walked away when he saw them, that he would've just forced himself to believe it wasn't what he thought.
"Don't feel guilty, Hope. We can't help who we fall in love with." She looked at the defeated look in his eyes and his tear-stained cheeks. He started to back away from Hope when she took hold of his arm.
"Wait," she said, her voice low.
He looked at her confusingly, what else was there to be said?
"Can I ask you something?" she said, to which he nodded slowly. "Can you stay, and not leave the school? I know you always leave when you feel like there's nothing left for you here, but I need you, Lan. You're my best friend."
He gave her a bittersweet smile, feeling glad she asked him to stay but feeling immense pain from knowing she didn't love him in any way other than platonically. But he didn't want to lose her, whether she was in love with someone else or not. She'd been his best friend since Rafael left, and he wasn't ready to say goodbye to that.
"I'll stay," was all he said before he turned and walked away, leaving Hope to sit with her guilt, which was now overwhelming. She felt guilty about everything, about hurting him, loving someone who didn't love her back, about feeling relieved that he saw her.
Her guilt was growing to be overwhelming, her tears were drowning her, her sobs were echoing through the woods, and she wasn't sure why she was so upset. Perhaps it was the realization that she ruined her relationship for something unreciprocated, or maybe it was the trauma of her transition, or maybe it was everything crashing down at once.
She hadn't even realized she'd fallen to the ground crying, just like she hadn't realized the footsteps walking up to her. She couldn't tell who it was, but she could feel their arms wrap around her, holding her as she cried.
"Shhh it's okay, let it out. It's okay, Hope," the person whispered into her ear. The voice sounded familiar and comforting, but she didn't have the energy to try and figure out who it was. So, she did what they said. She let it out, and they let her.
