This night I couldn't close my eyes for one minute. Although Aleksi was lying next to me on the sofa and I distantly heard his calm, frequent breath I was still completely shaken up from our conversation that once again made me realize I wasn't only getting myself in trouble with every day that passed but also the black haired one and everyone that was close to him aswell.
Since I had reappeared in Aleksi's life the day I met Joonas, the only thing I had produced was a huge gigantic mess and I seemed to drag everyone around me into it. Slowly but surely I started to believe that moving in with the black haired one again and getting involved with his band maybe hadn't been such a good idea.
In a matter of barely a week I had broken my best friend's heart, again. Not only because I, with a heavy heart, rejected him but also because the thought of me chosing one of his best friends over him was tormenting him. The black haired boy was mistaken, when he thought that I was falling for Joonas but there were still the feelings I started to develop for Joel that Aleksi didn't know about. If he would ever find out he would be deeply devastated. After the hell I put Aleksi through, I could not risk to hurt him one more time.
"Naomi are you okay? You don't seem to well." Joonas who I had helped to tune the guitars in the studio for the past couple minutes, while the other ones were listening to demos in the other room, was looking at me deeply concerned.
I could hardly cover up the fact that I had cried for hours last night. My eyes were still red and puffy and the dark circles that surrounded them made me look even more miserable than I was already feeling inside.
"I don't feel very well today." I briefly answered and dedicated my attention to the strings attached to the guitar I was holding in both of my hands. They were still a little lose which was why the riffs I tried to play on it sounded rather awful.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Joonas took the guitar out of my hands and put it down so I didn't have any distraction anymore that kept me from snapping back into reality.
Of course I wanted to tell Joonas. I wanted to tell him everything. But at the same time I was filled with so much guilt because I was dragging such a genuine person into all of this mess.
"Yesterday when I came home Aleksi totally lashed out at me. I already knew something was up when I heard his voice on the phone but I didn't know it would be something this... heavy. He slept with some random girl but that's not the point." I had to pause for a moment when I was hit by a wave of emotions that almost immediately made me tear up again. I had cried so heavily last night that the burn in my eyes was unbearable when they started to fill with hot salty tears.
"He was so hurt Joonas. I've never seen him that way. Do you know why he was so hurt?" I was starting to laugh and cry silently at the same time. The memories of last night already felt so distant, probaly because I still didn't fully comprehend them. "He thought that you and I... well... you know." Saying it out loud was something I hadn't prepared for but Joonas immediately understood what I was implying with the few words that left my lips. His face showed severe signs of disbelief.
"You're kidding me right?" I really wished my words had been a bad joke but in fact they were the ugly truth. I could only hope that Aleksi trusted me enough to believe me when I said that Joonas was a good friend to me and nothing more.
"No I'm not kidding Joonas." I answered and gave him a serious look. I was rubbing my eyes to prevent that the hot salty tears would run down my face but it was already too late. My eyes started to burn tremendously.
"I haven't even told you the worst part yet. I kissed him Joonas, I kissed Joel. Well, I mean he kissed me but I let it happen. God what am I supposed to do now?" I was whispering in fear the others could hear us talk, although they were in a completely different room. I didn't think the look on Joonas face could get any more concerned than it already had been but it did get a lot more concerned right after I had dropped the bomb.
YOU ARE READING
Joel Hokka / Blind Channel - ENEMIES WITH BENEFITS (English)
Fanfiction❝ Doesn't it scare you? The things that we both do I am just like you We're meant to be necessary tragedies Enemies with benefits ❞ Her past had led her here, Naomi knew that. This path had been layed out for her by the universe far befo...
