Forever Love: A Holby City Fan Fiction (ONE SHOT) (Completed)

Forever Love

Kian didn't feel anything when he died; he was too far gone during the surgery. There was the pain of the drugs burning in his veins, the brief feeling of his heart stopping, and then nothing. He was just too high to care about death or pain and he welcomed it. He wouldn't be hurting the people he cared about anymore.

The warm sunlight on his face was a surprise. He was laying in the softest bed ever under a canopy of forest trees. He had a brief feeling that he had been there before. A warm blanket covered him, and he sensed a soft, sleeping body next to him.

"Good morning, darling." She said, turning over sleepily. Her sandy hair was still shining.
"Vanessa?" Kian said, feeling a lump in his throat. Before he could react, she kissed him softly on his cheek. It was just like when they woke up together in the morning, when Vanessa was still alive. This was too good to be true. He touched her cheek with his fingertips, and she squeezed his hand. He could feel it. This had to be real.

Kian didn't know what to say. What do you say when you wake up in Heaven with your dead wife?

"You haven't aged a day." He managed to say.

"Of course I haven't, silly. You have a little." She said, kissing him and then smiling. Her eyes still had that sparkle in them. How long had Vanessa been dead; five, six years?

"What day is it?" He asked.

"It's always the same day here; every day is a new one, and the days are always perfect." She said, stroking his face and looking out over the bank of the lake. The grass was brilliant green and the air was warm and crisp, just like spring.

He recognized the river.

"Is that the river we swam in and drank out of during our last camping trip?" He asked, putting his bare feet on the soft grass. He was wearing the scrubs he'd worn on the operating table; everything else was gone.

"Yes, how did you know?" She asked, turning to him again.

"We carved our names in the log. It was a few months after our anniversary if I remember correctly." He said, smiling at a memory. He felt the bittersweetness of the death of love and the life they'd lost.

"It's perfect here. The flowers are always blooming. I always thought you'd die of old age before coming here." Vanessa said, hugging him.

"I thought I might too. I didn't take care of myself." He said, looking forlornly at the ground. "I hurt so many people I cared about."

"Don't be sad, I died too soon." Vanessa said, kissing him again.

"I know." He said, closing his eyes for a moment. He was afraid to let her out of his sight. "I'm sorry about what happened to you. I tried to save you; why did I leave you alone on that cliff when I went to get help?"

"You did what you could. You always did what you could." Vanessa paused, and smiled at him.
"Bea's here too." She said.
"What? My wife and my ex-girlfriend met up in Heaven?" Kian smiled, not believing his luck.
"She forgives you; you risked your career to save her. It was her heart condition that killed her, not you. Her son is still alive; he's forgiven you too." Vanessa said, contently.

Kian felt the lump in his throat again. Memories of Bea were flooding back.

"I never stopped loving you, Kian. I hoped we'd find each other here someday." Vanessa said quietly.

"I was so lost after you died. I wished I had died with you. Remember my cousin Marty? He saved me during my first bout of addiction. After Bea died, all the guilt came back. I went to the cliff where you died and tried to work up the nerve to jump. I couldn't. I got hurt up on the mountain. After the surgery, the painkiller addiction came back. I tried to stay clean for Jac, for the friends I had made. Why couldn't I? Why did I have to let so many people down?" Kian asked, unable to keep the tears in. He had tried so hard to stay alive for his friends. He thought it was pointless; they were moving on with their lives. Grief was making him feel so weak.