To Love a Knight

Too Hard

Cardo POV-

It was Saturday. The Saturday of my brother's funeral. I rolled over and stared out the window that sat to the left of my bed. I didn't want to get up. I couldn't. I couldn't endure the finalization that today would bring. My mentor, my brother, my friend, was gone. I was glad that I was alone and that no one would see the tears that were currently clouding my vision.

I thought about all that I could have done differently with my brothers over the years. All the useless fights and head butting that should have never happened. I thought about what I did to Ushar all those years ago and my breath hitched in my throat. Kara said that he forgave me but how could he? I still hadn't forgiven myself. I never would.

I rolled over in my king size bed that I hated. The huge bed just made me feel lonelier with its emptiness. I had plenty of women in it over the years but none that were ever worth asking to stick around. None like Kara. Vicrul was a lucky fucking man and I really hoped he did right by her, especially since he had knocked her up. Or maybe Kylo had knocked her up.

We all knew that it was possible the babies were Kylo's. No one said it out loud though. In the end they would be Vic's no matter what and we'd all pretend that nothing ever happened between Kara and Kylo. We'd be uncles and take care of those little fuckers no matter what. I couldn't wait to hear them running around the halls and torturing the Knights once they were big enough.

I let a tiny smile pull at the corner of my mouth as I climbed out of my bed. Half of my brothers had been lucky in love. Trudgen had found Jane who surprised us all with a hidden brutality yesterday. I had watched her eyes as she stabbed Pryde. She loved it and it scared her that she loved it. I was going to figure out a way for Jane to work with me in the tech part of the Knights. Not on every mission but on ones where we needed a tech in the field. I knew she could do it. She was tougher than the others realized.

I climbed into a cold shower as I thought about Sarah. Kuruk, the lucky fucker, had gotten a hold of Kara's little friend and never let her go. They connected on Kara's birthday when we were at the club. I could see the flirting and little tiny touches since that night. But Sarah had a boyfriend and was a good girl. But as soon as they were splitsville Kuruk moved into town and took up residence in Sarah's heart.

Yup, half of the Knights were basically hitched. Unless you looked at us in our current state. Then it was more like three quarters and I was the odd man out. I was used to it though. I was always the one without a serious girlfriend. I didn't know what it was about me but the girls always went for the others. Even when I met them first once they met the others suddenly I wasn't the one for them. So I stopped trying years ago and resigned myself to one night stands and casual online dating when I felt like it.

Once I was clean I shut the shower off and stepped out, grabbing the first towel I could reach. It just happened to be one the little demon had grabbed me on her shopping trip awhile back. It was a large beach towel with superhero shields all over it. And I loved it. I might not have a girlfriend of my own but I had Kara and she was like a little evil sister to me. And I would have to be there to protect her in case Ushar didn't come back to us.

Getting dressed in my best black slacks and a black sweater I headed to my kitchen and downed a quick cup of the cold brew coffee that I kept in my fridge. I opted to skip breakfast since I figured we'd all end up out to dinner tonight. Plus my stomach was killing me from my nerves. Tossing my cup in the sink I rested with my hands on the edge as I tried to will away the tears that wanted to break free. I couldn't do this today. It was too hard. Who was I going to sit next to? The guys all had someone to hold their hands. Kylo would be alone like me but he didn't give a shit since he was a cold hearted bastard.