The list

Chapter 1

Crash!

I lean my head to the side letting all my weight drag me back against the wall. Slowly my legs lose their strength and I slide down until I am sitting on the floor like a kindergartner after a tantrum.

Sighing in frustration I run my hands through my hair looking at the mess I created.

Once carefully organized folders of papers and stacks of books now littered the floor.

I had known for a long time that it was only a matter of time until I couldn't take it anymore and the time had come today. All the stress and anger of years had piled up enough to the point where the room in my apartment I called an office now looked like nothing more than a wreckage site.

Out of the corner of my eye a small black leather journal caught my attention. It was sprawled out half open covered in glass.

I inched closer inspecting the item as if it was a precious lost artifact.

Reaching out I swiftly tried to grab the journal but stopped as Shards of glass pierced my fingers.

Ignoring the crimson blood seeping out of my skin I continued and pulled the journal closer to me dusting it slowly and inspecting it.

After Flipping through the pages I notice a marked page towards the front that I had seemed to have forgotten about as the years went by.

Skimming it slowly I dragged my hand along the words. At the top was a smudged header that was far too deteriorated for me to read what it said but I still knew exactly what it was.

It was something that held some of my darkest fantasies and I knew that as the numbers on the list grew the more intense things got.

I began to read the list from the top:

"1. Submission training"
"2. Blind pick"
"3. Punishment roulette"
"4.-"

Before I could read through more of the list I heard the doorbell ring.

Initially I planned on ignoring whoever it was.

I wasn't expecting anyone and even if it was someone I knew if they hadn't made me aware of their visit prior the inconvenience of not being welcome was not my problem.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Frustrated I tossed aside the notebook and got up.

Instantly I felt a shooting pain in my head. Everything began spinning but the knocking on my door became more persistent.

Slowly I walked to the front door.

Swinging it open I was met with a unfamiliar and disheveled face.

My face must have expressed my annoyance and confusion as the young person infront of me frantically tried to look away from my piercing gaze by focusing instead on their hair.

"Are you alright? I heard a loud noise and wanted to make sure you were ok"

Understanding that my prior fit might have caused some disturbance it had just hit me that others around me could hear.

"I'm fine"

We both stood awkwardly in silence. I watched as they shifted uncomfortably in front of me trying to hide from my gaze. I found it irritating that they refused to look me in the eyes.