Funeral in Aokigahara

Intro 2

Dear Nobody,
I wish I have, whatever it takes, to slash my mother's throat
to sock my father in the face, then tear his scars ocean open.
But instead, I grant them a pathetic smile
and some shattered pieces of their favorite furnishings.

Oh, wait, that looks bad. I'll start over.

Dear Nobody,
I'm not a violent person. Really. Ask anybody — except maybe my parents. The thing is, I was not born with the gift of authentic impulse, but my dad, happened to have one of those punch-able faces, judgmental smiles; my mom... sharp nonsense tongue, hysterical portrait, who empathize with no one.

"Can you really be that hard?"
I'm as hard as I have to be;
It's what kept me alive.
Can you hear the sorrow?
———

I killed myself yesterday.

Dear Nobody
I am nobody, I have given my body, my youth, my soul to him.
And my history and childhood to my therapist.

He never had the soul of a poet. He had the soul of a wolf. A young man with two deep feelings, hatred and anger.

I woke up last night, numb and lachrymose, my mind was a mess, a storm of gloomy thoughts, of ineffable emotions.. That's my depressive episode. Not really a new thing to experience, i've been dealing with it for quite some time now. I look around, i see the tulips he gifted me. Their redness talks to my wound, it corresponds.
I've never wanted any flowers from him. I hold my suicide pills, the ones he should've bought me. I feel powerful and dead, like Aokigahara. In that moment, i could've end it all- my existence, my series of nows, body and soul- but i didn't. I've never really wanted to kill myself actually, i just wanted to be reborn, to kill an ugly part within me, murder his existence.
So i killed Aokigahara. I killed my mind. It's the death of my love. a spiritual death - you should try it sometimes.