Flipped

1.26

I have an aunt who is a psychologist.

I guess I'd always assumed psychologists were crazy, strange people. Or else creepy. But my aunt is one of the most normal people you'd ever meet. She was the kind of person who you could actually gravitate toward at a family gathering because you knew she'd actually talk to you instead of just asking you again and again about your girlfriend or what you wanted to do when you got older. She lived a state over, so I rarely got to see her, which annoyed me.

She also had the most interesting ways of describing topics that I'd heard about in class but skimmed over, or not really understood. We talked one year a week before a test at school on mental illnesses - she used the idea of a balloon that pops at the weakest point to describe it. I'd used that example on a test and gotten an A.

Last year I'd been curious about hallucinations - seeing and hearing things that weren't there, not because you had a mental illness, but having it happen once or twice in your life, randomly, with no explanation. I'd asked her whether it was common to have that happen to someone.

"Not common," she'd said. "But not rare."

When I got home, I'd searched online for over an hour. She was right. It does happen. When someone you love dies, it's common to see them once, or even a few times. Auditory hallucinations can happen more frequently, sometimes even triggered by drinking too much coffee. Hearing your name is common - it's basically a normal thing that sometimes happens to people.

Group hallucinations? Not so much. Lots of reddit stories, but nothing real. When it did show up, one person telling their story, it was all about seeing something - a flash of light, maybe a person in a window for a few seconds.

Four teenagers being stuck in a house for over an hour, exploring, talking to each other, looking at pictures, opening drawers, then suddenly realizing they'd been in a completely empty house? Moving around, looking at pretend pictures, picking up objects in drawers in desks that weren't even there? Didn't work.

Didn't work, because we humans run on trust. Trust, every single minute of every single day. You trust that your parents love you. You trust that your friends like you. You trust that you'll wake up every morning after falling asleep.

And you trust that the sky, when you look at it, is there. That your town exists. That your memories are based on days you lived and conversations that happened. You trust that the feeling you had when you kissed your first crush was based on a real moment shared with a real person.

Trust punctuates our lives.

I'd biked back to the house the next morning. I could see through the windows that it was still empty, a showhome with nothing inside it. The file with the records of my dad that we'd used to get there? Well, there was a file, but it wasn't of my dad. We'd stolen the records of some other patient. Obviously I won't share her name. The file did have her address - an apartment on the other end of town. The address of the empty house we'd gone to wasn't even in the file.

At dinner that night, I'd asked my mom about the other day, when we were at the hospital together. Well, actually, I just mentioned the date. All I got was a blank stare. I didn't press the matter.

I wasn't ready to process anything new. I couldn't think about the point of the past few days. The puzzle pieces needed putting together and I couldn't even bring myself to look. So I went upstairs to my room and threw on a show - some new Friends ripoff - and relaxed for the first time in days.

I was still lying on my bed when I heard a knock on our door. My mom opened it.

"Hi. Is Chris there?"

I sat up. That was Taylor's voice. I was in ratty sweats and an old t-shirt. There was no way I could go to the door like this. I rummaged around for something more presentable.

"Hi," I said to her once I got to the door.

"Hey," she said. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," I said, shrugging like it was no big deal. Stupid. I stepped outside into the evening. "What's up?"

"I'm good," she said. "I wanted to check to see if you were okay? We're going to have to talk about what happened yesterday. I could barely focus today."

"Yeah. Me neither," I said. "I think I'm okay. I don't feel much of anything."

"Yeah. Tell me about it."

"What is there to feel any more?" I blurted out. "What's real? What's fake? Are things ever going to calm down? I feel like I partly kinda like that I have these - whatever they are - but if I'm hallucinating every day then that's the point?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "It's really scary. And I should be freaking out. But I don't know if I am."

"Really? Why not freak out?"

She laughed. "I could freak out. But you know what? I'm stronger than that. I don't need to be running scared. We can figure this out. We can go back to normal - or even better - we can find a way to live from, like, and benefit from who we are now."

I felt incredulous. "You really believe that?"

"Yeah, Chris. I do."

She's so cool. I stood there for a second. I didn't know what to say, so I just said nothing and the silence stretched.

"Also, pay attention in class, okay? I won't date you if you can't pass English."

I opened my mouth. "Oh."

"Yeah. So make sure you do."

I guess I should have kissed her right then. Said something romantic and kissed her - or was it the other way around? But I said nothing as she smiled and walked away. "See you tomorrow, Chris."

I stayed outside as she walked away, enjoying the warm glow. It was only when I was almost ready to head inside when I saw the flickering lights again. All the way down the block.

I shivered and went inside.