Questions to Live By

midoriya izuku

It was a decent day out. The sky was a regular blue and the birds were singing songs.

Midoriya had always enjoyed looking at nature, he found it quite relaxing. Even if he had bruises all over him from when he was pummeled to the ground as if he were the newest punching bag at a gym.

He blinked slowly and looked up the tree he was sitting against. He angled his head slightly so he could see where the bird noises were coming from. He smiled and softly chuckled when he saw the nest. But it didn't quite reach his eyes.

To an outside person it would look like Midoriya was a sick kid, one that was easy prey for others. And that wasn't far from the truth.

Midoriya pushed himself off the ground and took his leave from the park he used to play in during his childhood. A lot of things happened at that park. They include such fond memories. Such terrible nightmares.

He hobbled home, his expression blank even though he felt like he was smiling at the scenery.

His emotions had recently been...

Nullified to say the least.

It had been a day after he was suicide baited by his ex-best friend and told that he couldn't be a hero by his idol.

Bakugou and All Might.

One told him to take a swan dive off the roof of the middle school building and pray for a quirk in his next life. The other told him that his dreams of being a hero were plain silly. "You'll just get in the way." Their messages were plain and simple.

Simple.

Midoriya walked down the block, barefoot and in his old school uniform. He had been so out of it that after yesterday's events, he forgot to change into his pajamas. And when he left his house this morning he forgot his shoes.

So yes, Midoriya Izuku was detached from his life. He was detached from a lot of things.

He couldn't even think straight.

He has previously been trying to walk to school only to get beat up by one of his bullies. So he changed route to go visit the neighborhood park instead.

If Bakugou never wants to see me again, then he will get his wish, thought Midoriya bitterly.

Midoriya, now walking through his sketchy neighborhood, almost wanted to laugh at how stupid he felt.

But he knows one thing: he isn't ready to take a swan dive just yet.

His breath hitches as he accidentally steps on a rock.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid. I should've remembered my shoes." He mumbles to himself, but shakes his foot as if to ease the pain.

Slowly he turns the corner, to be met with a scowling Bakugou, who was also on his walk home.

Katsuki was mad. He was upset. He was confused. He told the nerd something he shouldn't have. Something he didn't mean fully. He wanted to make sure Deku was safe--and a quirkless person cannot be safe and be a hero at the same time. So Katsuki got angry when he heard that the useless nerd was going to try and aim for UA high-school. Katsuki didn't want that though, so he has slammed his hand on Deku's desk and told the quivering child that he should kill himself. So yes. Katsuki was mad. But he was also upset.

Upset because Deku didn't show up today. After the Sludge Villan incident where Deku had put his life on the line to allow Kacchan a chance to breathe again until All Might came. But before Katsuki could yell at Deku for looking down on him, he realized the nerd was gone.

He didn't know how to feel knowing that Deku is out there with Katsuki's words in his head. "Why don't you take a swan dive..."

You take a swan dive.

Take a swan dive.

Swan dive.

Dive.

Katsuki was confused.

Would Deku really do it? Did Deku do it?

He was so deep in his thoughts that he almost didn't notice Deku walking walking toward him.

Keyword: almost.

The two boys made eye contact.

Midoriya was skittish. He didn't want to see Katsuki ever again. Was that too much to ask for?

Apparently. Yes.

Katsuki looked almost relieved at the sight of Deku.

Deku was alive. Deku was breathing.

"Where the heck were you today, nerd!?" Katsuki's voice was elevated. Judging. Curious.

Midoriya looked him in the eyes. And for a second Katsuki was lost.

That's... not Deku.

"Sorry Bakugou. I'll do better tomorrow. Sayonara Kacchan." Midoriya mumbled the last part--almost like it was a quiet goodbye.

Katsuki was frozen. He had chills raked up his arms. He didn't notice when Deku crossed the street just to walk passed him. He didn't hear the cars honking and the yelling of people across the sidewalk.

He had heard the nerd call him Bakugou. Loud and clear. But he had also heard him say goodbye to Kacchan.

To Kacchan.

Deku said goodbye to Kacchan.

Deku, the vulnerable, quirkless loser was not afraid. His green eyes were vacant of emotion. The nerd looked like he was not even mentally there.

Deku... he was gone. Deku was no longer scared because he was dead. Deku was killed.

Izuku... It had been so long since Katsuki had seen Izuku's smile. Heard his laugh. Heard him giggle about a snarky comment Kacchan had said. Izuku wanted to be a part of the Wonder Duo with Kacchan. Izuku wouldn't give up on that dream. The dream he shared with Kacchan. But...he did. At that point, Izuku was gone.

Izuku was dead too.

In fact, he was dead a long time ago. Katsuki, looking back on it, couldn't remember the last time Izuku talked about being a hero. Sure it was implied--he signed up to go to UA after all. He had still wanted to be a hero...right?

But Katsuki couldn't remember. Afterall, it is hard to keep a dream going when the dreamer is constantly being dragged through the dirt and kicked.

So...Izuku is dead and... Deku was dead.

That means...

Midorya was left.

That was new. That scared Katsuki. It scared him to the core.

Izuku--a confident kid who always smiled--was stripped to Deku. But then Deku--a beat up kid who kept trying to save others no matter the verbal and physical abuse thrown at him--was stripped to Midoriya.

Midoriya. The shell of Izuku.

Suddenly Katsuki wanted to cry.