Y/N and Bellamy Blake have been together for a while... but in the middle of so much sadness and war, could she really tell him what she wanted? Were the dreams she had for their future his dreams too?
A few hours outside the gates of Arkadia and you had almost forgotten about the emptiness in your chest. The hours felt like minutes as you helped the crew load up packs with the fresh game for the smokehouse.
The hunt was great today so you didn't realize you had been out there all day. You didn't even notice when the A.M. crew changed shifts with the P.M. crew. The sky was getting darker, but you tried to keep your focus sharp.
Out here, you were in your zone. Since the 100 landed on the ground, your hunting skills had drastically improved. You went from this shy, uncertain girl - who had never held a knife, might I add - to a pretty good provider for all the camp's hungry mouths. Not to be cocky, you felt like the occasional badass.
Thanks to Bellamy.
Ugh... there it was again. The sheer thought of Bellamy brought the weight of this morning's broken dream rushing back to your brain.
It wasn't his fault. Even though you had been together for a while, you never really talked about the future. You weren't sure if it was because of the constant danger and threat of war... or if maybe Bell just didn't see that kind of future for the two of you.
He told you he loved you but did he just keep you around because it was comfortable?
When you first started dating, you were always so insecure about his relationship with Clarke. They were definitely a dynamic duo and, before he expressed his feelings for you after Mount Weather, you always sensed a bit of chemistry between them.
What if he was just staying occupied until she was available?
Great.
Now on top of feeling foolish for even dreaming about having a family together, you started to doubt the status of your relationship.
Well, hunting ALMOST helped. For a little while.
You sat down on one of the fallen trees and rested your head in your hands.
"Hey, Y/N... we are heading back." You heard Jasper shout for you. "The crew thinks we got a good enough haul to last us for at least a couple of weeks. So, now it's party time! You coming?"
"Awesome. Yeah, I'll be there in a minute. Just need to take a quick break."
Jasper glanced at you suspiciously. You were never tired after a hunt. In fact, he always joked that it was like being in the woods gave you superpowers. He walked over and sat next to you and sighed.
"You got something on your mind?"
You glanced at him and forced a half-smile onto your face. After everything that had happened at Mount Weather, Jasper had been so disconnected. Losing Maya changed the goofy boy who was hopelessly optimistic into a shell of his former self. He had spent months trying to numb the pain with moonshine and whatever else he could get his hands on. You made sure to keep an eye on him and invite him to come with you on these hunts. You knew what it was like to need an escape - and a friend.
But for a moment, it felt like he was THERE again. A shimmer of optimism in his eyes as he waited for you to spill your guts about whatever was going on. Maybe he was just excited to not feel like he was alone in his grief.
"Nah, it's nothing. Thanks for asking though." You nudged him with your elbow. He grinned and shook his head. Then, as quickly as you'd flip a light switch, his mind was back on the Moonshine.
"Well, Monty and I are still throwing a rager tonight and you know you're invited. As long as you won't be a downer."
"Am I EVER a downer?" you rolled your eyes sarcastically.
"Well, you weren't before you started hanging out with Bellamy. Now you're sitting here on a log looking like the saddest person alive."
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You grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it at him. He stood up from the log, stuck out his tongue, and started jogging back to Arkadia. "I better see you there... HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE!"
"Maybe he's right," you thought.
Maybe a little fun was just what you needed to get your mind off all this.
"OK, YOU TWISTED MY ARM!" You yelled as you got up from the log and sprinted after him.
"WOOOO! I KNEW YOU'D COME AROUND!"
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As you approached the gates of Arkadia, your heart quickened.
After pulling away from him without explanation this morning and being out all day, you expected Bellamy to be there waiting for you. Standing in his signature pose - arms crossed and furrowed brow.
But he wasn't.
Maybe it's for the best. It gave you a chance to head to the showers and wash away the sweat and sadness from your day. You put your head down, doing your best to avoid small talk with any of the kids from the camp, and headed to your tent.
You lifted the flap and peeked inside. Phew. No Bellamy.
You grabbed a fresh set of clothes and ran to the shower. You always felt like a new person after a shower and you didn't want to be a "downer" at Jasper and Monty's party tonight.
Usually, you'd slick your hair back in a ponytail. It was easier when doing your chores around the camp. But tonight, you decided to let loose - figuratively and literally. So you left your hair down to air dry and you quickly dressed to meet up with your friends. As you walked out of the shower room, you passed a mirror and glanced at your face.
"Yikes," you breathed to yourself. Your expression WAS depressing. No wonder Jasper said you looked like the saddest person in the world. You took a few seconds to practice your best "life of the party" smile and, once you were satisfied, you headed out the door.
*Umph*
Lost in thought, you weren't really paying attention as you rounded the corner and you collided with someone with such force that it almost caused you to fall backward.
"Whoa!" Lincoln grabbed your shoulders to steady you.
"Ah, Lincoln! I'm so sorry. I don't know where my brain is today." You shook your head and flashed your rehearsed smile.
Lincoln let go of your shoulders and looked at you kindly and let out a small laugh as he said, "No worries. You're the one who almost fell."
You chuckled. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Where are you off to in such a hurry?"
"Jasper and Monty's party. Are you and O going to be there?"
"A bunch of kids getting drunk off of God knows what around a big fire? You know we wouldn't miss it."
