Extra Chapter of Candide, Voltaire

Candide short story

A/n: Ok please read Candide before this or research it or it wont make much sense- this is just an extra chapter I wrote to squeeze in the middle of the book because a) it was a school assignment and b) i think its funny. Anyway, to my best of all possible readers, enjoy.

Thanks, the best of all possible authors, K.E Belle.

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Chapter 13: How Candide experienced the best of all possible worlds, through the eyes of the best of all possible genders.

Having heard the complaints of both Cunegonde and the old woman, Candide was shocked at how much these women were lamenting. "Oh you women", Candide exclaimed, -"you had an abundance of beauty, riches and suitors begging for your hands, breasts sculpted like that of the Venus de' Medici! Yet all you do when you recount your tales is whine. Without question your misfortunes could not have affected you so! Womanhood is simple, being a man is tougher.". Cunegonde and the old woman were astonished by the delusion of Candide. - "well", said the old woman in a huff, - "since womanhood is so simple, my young Candide, I challenge you to look through the eyes of the suffering, experience the adversity. Life for a woman is not all beauty and riches, beauty fades as the toll of men takes effect". - "What toll do you speak of woman?", Candide asked quizzically, "men have natural urges that ultimately succeed them, it is no easy task in controlling human nature. What you call violation, we call masculinity. Alas, I will partake in your unorthodox proposition. I will dress up in drag and become the inferior gender then, you shall see, I indeed will return with enlightenment but no dramatic complaints." - "good luck my love, in seeing the best of all possible worlds through the eyes of the best of all possible genders, if only our tutor Pangloss had not been hanged, he would relish in the opportunity to see this marvellous event, he would say that our misfortunes were the cause needed to inflict the effect we see today of our intuitive Candide's new experience.", Cunegonde announced this whilst dressing Candide into tight fitting, patterned armour. He felt heavy judgement as Cunegonde struggled with zipping up his dress, "you are a woman now, Candide!", she exclaimed in frustration, - "you cannot be this weight, your back rolls are on display, your collarbones are not prominent and you have not got a paper thin stomach or childlike legs. How do you think you shall get anywhere in the world as a woman? From now on you may only eat an almond a day, forget about carbs. Hold still and do not dare breathe". The naive Candide believed he was of a normal weight, as a man it has never been an issue of if he could see his feet over his belly or not, dieting was never even a thought. He was eventually zipped into the dress after much tugging; this would surely be the only type of oppression facing him, he thought. As it is of course, the best of all possible worlds.

After two long hours of extensive torture in the form of facepainting, ear piercing, and hair pulling, Candide forcibly fit his feet into shoes that were two sizes too small, men liked women who were small, dainty, and petite. Cunegonde was intent on creating a young woman, and that she did. Candide was to look like a young virtuous maiden and resemble that of the qualities of a young girl to be visually appealing, this was of great advantage to Candide as his stature was short and he had small hands, making the adaptation of a younger girl quite believable. Soon after final touches from Mademoiselle Cunegonde, a mirror was thrust into Candide's now painted and bejewelled hand. Candide had successfully attempted to enter a state of femininity through drag and he did an extremely persuasive job at it. His eyes, decorated with hues of gold, were heavy with the weight of the black lashes that had been expertly glued to his eyelids, his lips were subtly overlined and coloured. His skirt allowed the view of a significant amount of his now smooth, shaved legs, and the fresh colour of cream against his white skin allowed his legs to almost sparkle in the sunlight. Cunegonde had used a mix of feathers and cloth to sew together an undershirt which would simulate the appearance of two full breasts, this impressed Candide immensely as he took in his now completely altered appearance.