Caught In The Fire - Karlnap

16 - I don't care anymore

TW - swearing, arson

SAPNAP POV -

I was out of breath but I kept running, Schlatt beside me and Techno strolling casually behind us.
"Dude that was fucking awesome!" Schlatt yelled as he turned his head slightly towards the football field which was up in flames. I laughed and nodded.

I felt exhilarated. I'd been hanging around with Schlatt and Techno for about a week and it was awesome. Being friends with them meant rules didn't apply to me, no school uniform, no curfew, no boundaries. Schlatt was student body president and Techno was feared by everyone. I fit in so easily with the two, although I was hesitant at first to go around being mean to people and lighting shit on fire for the fun of it, but I eventually slipped into a state of constant adrenaline.

Besides, I needed something to keep me occupied so I wouldn't think about him. God, I couldn't even think his name, it hurt too fucking much.

Wilbur had tried to warn me against my new friends. He told me that Schlatt was Quackity's ex and that he was unstable and that he'd hurt Quackity but I didn't listen. I pushed everyone away, well at least everyone who reminded me of him.

—————

I followed Schlatt towards our English class, both of us waving goodbye to Techno as he headed for math. We arrived at the classroom almost thirty minutes late but we didn't care. We sauntered into the room, making everyone look up and interrupting the teacher who was talking to the class. Mr Minecraft raised his eyebrows as Schlatt and I walked to our seats, leaving the door open behind us.

I carefully avoided eye contact with the small boy with fluffy brown hair who sat in the front row and I could feel him doing the same.
"Sapnap, Schlatt, nice of you to join us," Mr Minecraft said, giving us both an annoyed stare. Schlatt rolled his eyes and I just leaned back in my chair, pulled out my lighter and began burning the edges of my notebook.

"Sapnap, lighter away, now," He warned, getting up from his chair and walking towards me.
"Fuck off," I replied, letting the flame go out as Mr Minecraft reached my desk. Schlatt gave a short laugh beside me which made me smirk.

"Sapnap, whats gotten into you? You were doing so well in class before the holidays! I know you made a few mistakes on the test but an accidental mistake shouldn't ruin everything," He leaned over my desk trying to look me in the eye. I couldn't take it anymore. I quickly stood up and started walking towards the door. When I reached the front of the room, I lit my notebook on fire and tossed it in the trash, causing the entire bin to light up in flames.

"Yeah," I said, turning to face a shocked and disappointed Mr Minecraft. Beside him Schlatt was grinning at me, clearly enjoying the show.

Then my gave shifted to him. To the boy I had been avoiding even thinking about but who always seemed to be on my mind. He was staring at me with tears in his eyes. "You're right Mr Minecraft. One fucking accident shouldn't ruin everything. Especially when that accident was to help someone you love," My eyes never left Karl as I spoke, I was making sure that he knew I was talking to him, making sure that he knew how much pain he'd put me through.

"Sap I-" Karl started to speak but I turned and left the room, slamming the door behind me.

I stumbled through the empty hallways, my vision blurry with tears. Somehow I managed to navigate my way to an empty bathroom where I collapsed on the floor next to the sink and sobbed into my hands.

After about five minutes I heard the door swing open and I immediately reached for my lighter, ready to threaten anyone who dared laugh at me. When I raised my head however, Karl was standing there, his eyes red from crying. He was slightly out of breath as if he'd just run to every bathroom around here to find me.

"What do you want?" I spat, standing up and wiping away my tears. He hovered by the doorway, nervously avoiding eye contact.
"Sap-"
"Stop Karl. Just don't. Why are you here? You broke up with me remember?" I took a step closer, watching him carefully.

"I know, I just... I don't know, maybe if you said sorry-"

"Hold the fuck up. If I said sorry?! I have said sorry Karl! What the fuck do you even want me to apologise for?! Oh sorry I lost control when you were in pain! Sorry that the only thing I could think of was how much I love you and how I wanted you to be happy! Sorry that I didn't let you run back into that fucking fire to save those assholes you call parents! Sorry I'm too much of a fucking delinquent for you to love! Sorry that I love you so fucking much that I'm willing to wait for you until the day I die!" I was yelling but I didn't care. All I cared about was the boy cowering in-front of me.

I saw hurt flash in his eyes and I hated that I caused that.

"You know what Karl? I don't care anymore. I don't care about anything, except that I lost you. I made a huge fucking mistake and that cost me the love of my life!" I was so close to him that I could see every faint freckle on his face, every detail of his gorgeous eyes. I felt tears streaming down my face and I gently cupped his cheek in my hand. "I'll wait for you Karl. Forever. Because I love you Karl Jacobs, I love you so fucking much," I whispered, searching his eyes for some sign of forgiveness. But he flinched away from me.

"Sapnap, I want it to be okay, I really do. But your fire almost killed my parents. I'm just scared, what if you lose control again and someone actually dies?" My heart, which I'd slowly been piecing back together, broke all over again.

"You're scared of me?" I breathed, stepping away from him and taking a shaky breath. He meekly nodded, looking down at the floor. I let out a chocked sob and he reached out almost reflexively to comfort me but I pushed him away. "I'm sorry Karl. You were right, I should stay away from you. I don't want to hurt you,"

Then I left. I ran out of the room.

I felt trapped in my own mind.

Karl was scared of me.

I had royally fucked up.

I ran straight into someone.
"Watch where you're fucking going!" The person paused, "Oh, Sapnap? You alright man?" I looked up into the face of Techno. His eyes held traces of concern. I just shook my head, not caring that I was still crying. After a moment Techno, placed a hand on my shoulder.
1'
"You know what you need? Takeaway pizza, a horror movie and Schlatt's shitty jokes,"
I gave Techno a grateful smile as he lead me away, trying to distract me from the mess of thoughts now swirling in my mind. Well mainly one thought that was blocking out everything else.

Karl was scared of me.

Word count - 1239

A/N -
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