One day two of the biggest and dumbest world superpowers, America and Russia, bought a house together. Unfortunately for the two of them, Living together obviously wasn't by choice as the UN had paired the two of them with a Home together in hopes the tensions with each other went away magically. Those tensions didn't go away, in fact it had probably gotten worse but at least it was now captured in a microcosm of space where their tensions could fester in private and not manifest every goddamn meeting.
Besides that, they learned to tolerate one another after a few months, mainly Russia staying in his room and The American staying everywhere else. But tonight sadly for Russia, The American had decided all by itself to have a party at their house. Russia had been fearing this day for months, trying to do anything to stop it. He dreaded the thought of seeing another person's face, let alone seeing the American happy. Out of all this sharing a house thing the only thing that brought Russia slight comfort was seeing how miserable the American had gotten and all the little things Russia would do to make it even more terrible for it, like hiding it's toothbrush and calling it an idiot for losing things, or putting the stove on high heat so it would burn and almost set the house on fire. Making the American cry and think that he can't cook a simple Pizza made Russia feel like he had a purpose in life. Although he had eventually broken the stove.
As for America he was thrilled, finally a day with all the people he had convinced himself he was friends with. Along with his most beloved, greatest, wholesome, cute, kind and polite brother, Australia, and all his other siblings he guessed. But he was most happy about finally getting back at that stupid Russian. Ever since he moved in with the Russian, his life had become more awful. It was nothing like living with his brothers when they were young, killing small frogs and collecting moths in a jar was his favourite pastime with them but Russia is no fun, god dammit he keeps setting the moths free, total party pooper. For weeks now America had been trying to find out what ticked Russia off, it started as small things, like putting milk before cereal to not folding the washing, to hanging pictures of lady gaga on the walls (He still doesn't know who she is). BUT FINALLY, America found the perfect thing to annoy Russia, A PARTY! How had he found out this? One day, America had come home at 3am in the morning drunk from a party. Russia had made America grilled cheese to calm him down and get over his hangover. America asked Russia in his intoxicated state (and after reading his mail, some freaky shit you know) Why he never came to any of the parties he was invited to. In the moment of pure weakness Russia stated that the one thing he hated more than America was parties. FINALLY something America could work with.
It was the morning before the party and America was sat on the couch, wearing his favourite football shirt and the shortest shorts you could find and his hair untied, making him looks like a hobo or his brother, Australia. He was looking through his phone for the foods he could order, Kazakhstan's Chicken Nuggets, Burgers, Pizzas, Buffalo wings, Mac and Cheese, Porridge, Pennsylvania. God now he was just thinking of what to eat! All this searching had made the poor American hungry. He got off his ass to head to the kitchens, still daydreaming about food... Mhmm... Pennsylvania...
It got caught out of It's dreamed gaze when Russia stared awkwardly at the American which came to feel like a whole ass minute. This was the longest Russia had stared at the American in months and he was visibly repulsed by it. Let alone It was looking in an ungodly state, but that was something Russia had gotten used to. He wasn't in the best attire either, an oversized tank top and baggy trousers weren't the most elegant thing in the world, along with his ugly, shameful hat which he couldn't help but wear.
"You ok? You looked like you were about to eat me" Russia said, desperately turning his gaze away from the American as if he looked any longer he might wrap a bottle around It's head.
"Oh no, I'd never think of eating you, Russia" The American said in a confident tone which made it sound sarcastic.
The American, to the dismay of Russia, playfully continued "Unless you want me to eat you o-"
A plastic bottle flew to The American's face, Bonking it on the head and leaving a bruise. Why did the American have to be so gross all the time? Russia Grabbed a box of porridge oats as the American Rubbed Its face in pain, he really got it good this time. Russia thought though, only gross thing the American hasn't done in their house yet was sex and that was something he could thank the American for, keeping his 'intermate time' out of Russia's face and home. Come to think of it, he never asked the American if it had a partner or not. Russia didn't even know if the American was into guys or girls.
"Hey Russia, You sure you want that much oats" America said pointing to the overflowing bowl of oats in Russia's hands, The Russian in question seemed to be caught in some daydream. This was new, he didn't even know Russians could think. Russia quickly snapped out of it and just stared at all the oats on the counter, then turned to America.
"I'm sure you can eat that" He said, giving a quick gaze at America as he removed the bowl from the pile of oats and placed them next to it. Russia then squatted down to the small fridge and grabbed out a bottle of fresh milk that was delivered this morning. America grabbed a bowl and swept the oats on the counter into a bowl as Russia poured the milk.
"Soo, is there anything you want from the takeaway?" America asked as much as he wanted not too, he didn't want to starve Russia on a bad day.
"Hmm, Chinese sounds good," Russia said, as he placed his bowl of oats into the microwave and put it on for 2 minutes.
"What do you want from the Chinese?" America sighed, waiting for Russia to put the milk down. Russia instead drinks some milk straight from the glass. America had the urge to say something like 'cum' or 'does dick taste good?' to Russia at this moment but just stared at him doing the act, which he did for about thirty seconds. Every second becoming increasingly more uncomfortable.
He stopped to say "Beef chow mein, Stir-fried Mushrooms with Sweet and sour sauce and Prawn crackers" Then continued to drink.
"Is all that for you?" America asked, as Russia continued to sip the bottle of milk for another five seconds before stopping again.
"Yeah, Am I paying?" He asked, probably hoping he wouldn't have to.
"I'll pay for it" America sighed, becoming bored at looking at Russia's face. The Russian looked surprised as he finally put the milk on the counter.
"IT'S NOT BECAUSE I SUDDENLY THINK YOUR MY FRIEND OR ANYTHING!" America declared, swiping the milk and pouring it into the bowl. America continued "It's as a thanks for letting me have a party here"
Russia stared at America for a while. Suddenly the beeping of the microwave forced Russia's hand to open it and take out the porridge, not breaking eye contact with America before Russia muttered a quick 'Alright' before going to the cutlery drawer and grabbing a spoon. Russia starts to walk off.
"Aren't you going to put sugar on that?" America asked, concerned for Russia, Who doesn't put sugar on porridge?
Russia yells 'Nope' to America and continues to walk off. But he remembers something. Something important, The American's bowl.
"Hey American!" Russia yelled as he turned back to The American.
"What?" America asked, putting the bowl in the Microwave.
"That bowl is non microwaveable" Russia said, pointing to the bowl in its hands. The American looked at it in awe as he realised it was a non microwavable bowl.
"Oh yeah! That could have ended badly" America chuckled, then he realised. Russia never tells him if bowls are microwavable.
It looks at Russia with a smile. Russia just stares back at the American in disgust for a really long time, the American smiling back even more
"What are you doing?" Russia asked, looking at him so confused and staring to get even more annoyed at the man's ugly mug.
"Oh you~" America Chuckled, with a smug smile on his face. He finally felt like he was winning the sad little Russian over.
Russia just looked at The America who was clearly caught in his own head, he walked off to his room to let The American pride fester.
