After All These Years

3. I still feel everything when you're near

Songs to go with this chapter:
- Roses by Shawn Mendes
- A Mess (Happy 4 U) by Little Mix
- A Little More by Alesia Cara

A/N: *awkwardly waves* hey all! Sorry for the long wait on this chapter. I fell into writers block and then I had a covid scare while struggling through the writers block so I've been having a hard time writing the past couple months. But I did it! *wipes invisible sweat off of forehead* whew! This chapter took too long of a time to get out for only 4k words.

"Do you have a detailed list of the operatives that escaped prison for me yet, Player? Carlotta was only able to tell me so much from the news." Carmen sat at the desk provided in her hotel room on a video call with Player as he typed furiously.

"Just finished it. Sending the list over now."

Seconds later, her phone pinged. She began to scroll through the list, assessing the damage. Tigress...Bellum...Paperstar...Cleo..." Carmen exhaled. The list was not nearly as bad as she had feared. Suddenly Carmen stopped short and looked up at Player. "Brunt? Player, how did Brunt escape?"

Player held up his hands in mock defense. "Hey! Don't shoot the messenger! I'm just the one that found the information. But if you're really asking? I have no idea how that would even be possible. She isn't exactly the best at uh, stealth. But I haven't heard anything on VILE's dark web yet. No plans for capers."

Carmen sighed, even though Player had meant it positively. "Key word being 'yet.' I don't know if I can go back to that life again, Player. Not with the kids and Carlotta and..." She stopped. "There's so many people depending on me."

But Player had noticed her hesitation. He paused his typing and smirked. "How's it going over there? You planted the note in her office, right? Did you see her?"

Carmen resisted the urge to roll her eyes at Player's nosiness. "Yes, I left her a note. Yes, I saw her."

"What's with the mood then? I thought you would have been happy to see her."

"She was...with someone." Carmen hesitated. "A woman."

"Oh, that kind of mood. Julia has a new girlfriend?"

Her frown deepened. "I...don't know. It looked like it. And Player, technically Julia and I never dated."

"Don't try to get out of this on 'technicalities.'" Player made air quotes with his fingers. "Anyone who looked at the two of you would know you were in love. Admit it, the sight of her with someone else still messes you up inside. I know you, Red."

He did, but Carmen refused to acknowledge the truth of Player's statement. She stood and began pacing the length of her hotel room, the sound of endless typing resuming resonated throughout the room.

"I just...I can tell she's dating that woman, Player!" Carmen paced faster in her agitation. "I can't crash her life. Not now. I can't mess it up for her again, not when she's so obviously..." Carmen made a vague gesture with her hand as she let her sentence trail off into nothing. She dropped down onto the bed.

"She's happy," Carmen said quietly, staring down at her hands. "I can tell she's happy. What kind of person do you think I would be if I showed up now?"

Player frowned. "I think you're making this more about her than it needs to be. You deserve to have a shot at being happy too, Red. You don't always have to put everyone else before yourself."

Carmen said nothing, realizing that he was right, although the part of her that had become accustomed to being selfless protested. She didn't have to put other people before herself anymore. She was completely on her own, for the first time in her life. No dependents, no VILE. She could actually afford to be selfish.