A whole new world

I will try to fix you

Jane had continued cleaning her apartment while the honey blonde woman had been asleep. She hadn't woken up at all and Jane didn't want to wake her up either. The detective had carried her best friend to her own bed very carefully as it got quite late, indeed almost 9pm. Worried that she might be hungry once she woke up, Jane had prepared some food. She wrote a little note that said „I didn't want to wake you up. If you're hungry, feel free to grab some food that I put into the fridge. If you're thirsty, have a look next to the bed. There's a bottle of water for you. If you need anything else don't hesitate to wake me up. I'll be here. I love you, Maur. Everything is going to be okay, I promise."
Just a few minutes after getting changed and laying down in bed, she had fallen into a deep sleep right next to Maura.

Maura didn't sleep properly in weeks, this was her first proper sleep in about a month. It was no wonder that she didn't wake up. Her dreams were casual the majority of the time, but suddenly a dream got her to wake up. She sat up in the bed, sweat running down her back. She forgot where she actually was, quickly turned the light on the nightstand on, followed by a relieved sigh  as she saw Jane next to herself. Maura glanced across the room, checked every single inch to make sure everything was okay. Once this was done, her looks moved over to the nightstand again, reading the little note. And she smiled. She wasn't really hungry at all, especially not after dreaming about David. He had yelled at her, called her a whore and other things, had told her that no one would ever love her the way she was. He had said that she was awkward. Too needy, too clingy. It all flashed back in the woman's head. It had been a dream now, but she knew he said these things to her in a fight before. And she started crying.

Is he telling the truth? Am I really like that? I know I might be different, but am I really not loveable? I would do anything for the person I love. I would die for them if I had to. Why does it have to be me who always gets herself into relationships like this? Painful situations. Almost being killed. I haven't done anything wrong. At least not that I know. Just two months ago he told me how much he loved it when I placed my head on his chest, my hand running up and down his abs while he held me. When I fell asleep in his arms. He was the first guy who ever gave me the chance to fall asleep in someones arms. No one has ever let me get closer to them than sex. It always ended after that. I wasn't even close to being loved. Just the object for their needs. But I believed he was different. I trusted him, which was a mistake. Here I am, hurt, in pain. Again.

Maura had started sobbing more audibly without even recognising it. She was crying bitterly, her face buried in her hands. Everything else was as if it didn't exist. Only her sadness and the pain felt like reality. Until she felt Jane's hand on her back. She winced again, but she let Jane touch her. It didn't scare her. Her best friend who had saved her so many times before would never, ever hurt her.
„Maur..."
She heard Jane's voice clearly, but she didn't want to say anything. At least not for know. She struggled a little, but then leaned into the soft and caring touch of Janes hand. It hurt her to remember how David would've done this when she felt sad. Her feelings had died off over the past time where he had been different. But it still hurt. To know that she loved him so deeply, trusted him so much. Maura had told him everything. And she felt so used.

„Did you have a bad dream?" - Jane asked as she felt Maura's sweaty skin through the fabrics of the t-shirt. And she could tell by the sobbing. Of course Maura was sad, but something must've reminded her of what had happened.

„Yeah.. it was a dream about something that happened... him calling me so many rude things, telling me I am awkward, too clingy, not loveable. That no one would ever love me if I didn't change."

Jane sighed. She knew Maura was different, but her life had never been easy. And she loved her the way she was.
„Listen, Maur. Yes, you're different. But that doesn't make you any less loveable. If a person doesn't love you the way you are, they're not the right person. Trust me, you will find someone. And until then, you have me. My family, your family. We all love you so much. And you don't need to change for us. Yes you're a dork. And you annoy me so much when you won't say it is blood, but only a brownish red stain. But I love you the way you are. And i want you to stay this way. This is you. Maura isles. Not any different. And look, so many people look up to you. You're the smartest person in Massachusetts and probably even in this whole world."

Maura had smiled softly while listening to the taller woman, who was just almost tall as herself when they sat next to each other. It comforted her in a way, but she knew Jane was talking about platonic love.

„You all do. But someone who's not y'all would never be able to understand. To love me romantically."

„Maur, trust me. Someone will. I promise."

Jane replied softly. It hurt her to see Maura doubt herself. The detective reached over and wiped her cheeks softly. Her hand was still running up and down the smaller woman's back.

„Have some water. Your body needs it after you cried. We don't want you to dehydrate, right?"
She said as she winked, and Maura nodded, surprised that Jane suddenly said something that usually came out of her own mouth. The honey blonde grabbed the water bottle, drinking some of it. She didn't even realise how thirsty she was until she tasted the cold, refreshing water on her lips. After putting the bottle back to where she had found it, she placed her body back on the bed next to Jane, who felt the desire to just pull her best friend into a hug. To make her feel safe and protected. But she insisted. The least she wanted was to push her to anything she didn't want, and Maura would ask for a hug if she needed it.

„Do you need anything else? Maybe something to wear? Your dress doesn't really seem comfortable."

Maura nodded. The dress really wasn't comfortable.

„A shirt and maybe some sweatpants would be nice."

She hadn't even finished her sentence as the caring, tall woman was already standing in front of her own wardrobe, reaching for an oversized shirt and the smallest sweatpants she could find. As Jane turned around, she felt Maura's upset looks again.

„Sorry, it just reminds me of wearing his clothes to sleep..."

„Well. I'm not him tho. And I'm sure my clothes smell way better, anyway."

Jane said sarcastically, but also meaning it. She had been Maura's best friend for almost ten years. And Maura's smell had always been the most comforting one for Jane. It smelled like home. She had always trusted her best friend the most.

„You're right.", Maura replied fast. Indeed, Jane's smell had always calmed her down. It reminded her of the times Jane had pulled her into a hug when she was sad. Or the times she saved her life and held her close to herself afterwards, both of them crying relieved tears, happy that they didn't lose each other.  She recognised Jane smiling cheekily.

„Don't make a scene now, you know that no one will ever replace you." Maura said as she pulled her dress off, careless that Jane could see it. They had seen each other in underwear so many times before. None of them cared about the other one seeing their body.

„I know. I just like to hear it. I really couldn't lose you, Maur."

„And i couldn't lose you either, Jane.", she said as she finished getting dressed. And she smiled as she smelled the detectives shirt. A smell that calmed her once again. She saw Jane lay back down next to herself, smiling at her. Maura smiled back, shuffling her own body back underneath the covers.

„Thank you for being here.", she said softly as she closed her eyes.

„Always Maura, always.", Jane reassured her, stroking her arm softly before closing her eyes. And they both fell back asleep, their bodies right next to each other, a trusted, well known environment that they had fallen asleep in so many times before.