The Journey

    Hi, my name is Madison. I have been through some deep times and been at my lowest. I don't ask for people to feel sorry for me or for them to even ask me if i'm okay. Because the truth is, i'm not. Here it goes, this is my journey.
    It all started about four years ago, life was going as planned.. until something sudden changed that around. You're probably wondering what that something is, right? Well let me tell you; to start off, my dad ended up in the hospital after we thought he only had pneumonia. It turned out he had congestive heart failure. After a week of being in ICU on a ventilator, we didn't know if he was going to make it out alive or not.
    Then, after being transferred to another hospital about an hour away, we had more hope. They had been taking much better care of him. Another week or so passed and he was sitting up on his own, up walking again, and eating on his own. But, we still didn't know if he was okay to go home to breathe on his own. He had to have surgery to put a pacemaker/defibrillator in his heart. This would help in the situation if his heart was to stop, it would shock it to help get it back in rhythm. They had kept him a few days after the surgery to make sure everything went smooth. Sure enough, it did! He got to home but he did need his rest. After four years, his heart is finally almost back to normal! When he left the hospital it was only working around ten percent, now it's working fifty five percent! That was a blessing.
    Although, the year after he had surgery, his mom (my grandmother) passed away. This was the hardest day of my life. Life hasn't been the same without her and never will be. She was my rock, anything I needed she would get. Anything I had a question about, she would answer it. One phone call away for anything I ever needed or wanted. She was my life. She carried the family. It's been hard without her but everything I do now is for her. But, this was also something sudden that happened.
    It wasn't supposed to happen like this. See, she had an aunt that used to live right down the road, but then her aunt had moved; she would travel hours to go see her. Well, one day my grandma, and three other people she knew, was going to see my grandmas aunt. My grandma was not driving, she was a passenger. The lady driving had ran a stop sign, they had been hit by another car. The worst part was that I was at school when this happened, I came home to my mom standing at the door crying; she could barely tell me what had happened. All she could say was "your grandma, your grandma." Then she told me my brother in law was on the way to get me to go to the hospital that was over an hour away. I was scared. I didn't know what had happened or anything at the time. I got there and they explained to me. I went in to see her and seen she wasn't looking how she normally would. My heart dropped.
    I walked in and seen that they had her in a neck brace, a halo, on a ventilator, everything. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I asked for some alone time with her after family had told me she has almost no chance of making it. Mind you that she was the best, she was the happiest. I had my little time with her, but the last thing i remember telling her is "I'm going to high school, im going to be a freshman." She tried her hardest to smile and she even shed a tear. They had told me to try not to cry in front of her but I couldn't hold it back seeing her in that condition. This was the worst week of my life. I didn't want to leave that hospital, I didn't want to leave her side.
     After a week or so passed, we had to make the worst decision; keep her on the ventilator and see if she has a chance or pull it and let her go. We had to let her go and let me tell you why. If we would have kept her here, she would've been suffering the rest of her life. She was paralyzed from the neck down. She couldn't move at all. Although, I still tried to get her to squeeze my hand and sometimes she could with very little strength. The point is, we couldn't keep her here to suffer, she's in no pain now. I miss her so much but it was the best choice for her.
    Now, the reason I called this "The Journey" is because these two things had the biggest impact on me. I won't ever look at life the same after these situations. It's led me down a path that I never thought I would've taken. Yet, here I am on that path. This caused me massive depression, after all these years, it's still not handled how it should be. I spend most of my nights crying and sitting in my room thinking. It's all about these two things; my dad and my grandma. I almost lost my dad and I lost my grandma. The heartache I felt was a different, unstable type. I still feel this way at times, but it's just the journey of life.