Humanity's salvation

24 : Discussions

"What were you thinking, coming here ?" Reiner finally asked. 

"I told you," I sighed. "Zeke and Eren must be stopped. Eren is the priority. And I'm looking for protection."

"So it's true ?" he asked, finally raising his golden eyes towards me. "You're from the royal family ? And you hid that from everyone, all of this time ?"

"You've got no lesson to give me about secrets," I warned him. 

He ignored my remark. 

"It must have hurt a lot, when they did this to you."

"It was," I confessed. "My father did it himself. My mother didn't know about it. My father told me he had known the same pain, but that it was the price of our sins. I didn't even know what that meant then. Now, I do."

Our sins as Eldians were heavy, but they went back so far. According to me, nothing justified the persecution of Eldians on the other continents anymore. The only place they could be peaceful was Paradis, and even the Eldians from the continent wanted its destruction. They were so used to hating us. But I wouldn't give up on my hope. I was sure I could make a difference there, even if I was alone. 

"They trained me," I resumed. "Very young, I was taught how to fight, to protect our secret with my life if I had to. Which explains why I was so good in training... Even though I was never the most enduring, of course."

A silence followed my declaration. His eyes had gotten lost in the void again, so I took advantage of it to look at him for a longer time. He had changed a lot since the last time I had seen him. He had always had an angular face, but it was a trait that had become even more pronounced. He had a slight beard, that suited him well but made him look a bit older. He was also a bit taller, but above all, he had gotten thinner. 

"Are you eating well ?" 

The question had escaped me, and he raised a surprised face. He quickly pulled himself together. 

"I could ask the same to you. You look like you haven't slept in days."

"That might be because I haven't," I immediately answered. 

A silence followed, and we both laughed. 

"You should take care of yourself," I said, laughing. 

"You're one to talk," he answered. "You just confessed you haven't slept in days."

"I have better things to do !" I defended myself. "I'll rest when we're not all about to die anymore."

I quickly lost my smile. 

"Reiner... I'm sorry about Bertholdt."

"I know," he said.

"I feel bad," I confessed. "I wanted to put and end to his suffering, he authorized me to kill him, so that he would be unconscious when he would be eaten. But we took too much time to decide, and... It's my fault," I sighed. "If I had made the decision myself on that day, if I had told them who to save, he would've left this world peacefully."

I didn't know why I told him that. Maybe because I thought he had a right to know how his friend had died. Maybe because I was seeking confort, and I hoped he would be the one to give it to me. He had looked away again. He couldn't look me in the eyes, it was understandable. 

Another reality caught up to me, suddenly hitting me in the stomach. 

"Sasha died too, yesterday."

He rasied his eyes back at me, and I broke down in tears. I had held them back until then, but I couldn't do it anymore. And I knew he wouldn't judge me. He wrapped his fingers around the bars of my cell. It wasn't the only thing separating me from him, stopping me from wrapping my arms around him. There was so much history between us, the history of a whole world.