ELBINA 3

Chapter 11

"How many times have I fixed that Riley?"
I'd fallen asleep, it's pitch black now and it's freezing.
My eyes are sore, swollen and blurry and my limbs are stiff as anything.
It takes me a few moments to realise that the voice is getting closer to the shed.
"I swear, go one day without breaking it and I'll owe you a hundred quid."
"But you'll owe me if you can't!" He says again, hearing a laugh from further in the distance.
"I'll hold you to that." A woman shouts to him, hearing him snort to himself just outside the door of the shed.
I'm stuck frozen to the ground, knowing I'm about to be found.
Did I even care anymore? Either way... It didn't sound like the people chasing from before but again, that's a big assumption.
The door rattles, the handle thunking sharply through the rust. It jiggles against the ground, grating against the concrete floor.
He mutters to himself, a lace of humour lining it.
"Not a problem with me, could do with another pair of trainers."
My hand plants against the ground, digging my shoulder blades into the wall behind me.
Now his shadowed figure is just seen at the door, my breathing hitched.
He jiggles something against the wall, his hand fiddling with the string swinging from the roof.
Until finally the shed floods with light so my eyes wince against it. It's not exactly bright, but against my swollen eyes and the sudden adjustment from pitch black lighting means I can barely see him for a few moments.
It isn't until i've wiped away the remaining sleep from my tired eyes that I can see his shocked face staring at me.
For a couple of seconds we just stare at eachother, unsure what to do but I'm too tired to move now anyway,even if I had to.
Then he crosses his arms, a sigh falling from his lips as he leans against the doorframe.
"Now, what the fuck are you doing in here?" I gulp.
I don't answer, shuffling even further back when he tried to step towards me.
He notices instantly, sitting back against the door again.
"You're not stealing anything?" He nods at me, a gruff tone to it.
Sounding bored almost as I slowly shake my head.
It's like I don't know how to speak anymore.
"You don't have anywhere to sleep tonight then?" I look back at him with a confused expression.
Why is he so calm about this?
"I'm sorry, I-"
He cuts me off, "I won't be any trouble, yes... I've heard that said before." waving a hand passively.
I start shivering now, my clothes still damp as I sniffle away a runny nose.
"I can't leave tonight... Please." I beg him, feeling my gut clench watching him shake his head at me.
I couldn't go back out there, they could be trawling the streets still. Given I hadn't been found by now, this hideout was my best option. If he forced me out, then what's stopping my fate ending just the same as Susu's?
Fuck, why did I do that?
Why did I remind myself?
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
"I'm not going to force you to move on.... But I know your face." He said.
My fingers automatically dig into my leg, scrunching the trouser material along with it.
No.
"So if you do steal something, I won't hesitate to dob you into the police."
Thank god.
I let out a breath of relief, nodding my head quickly. "That's fair."
"Good, I've just organised everything in here the way I like it. Don't need you messing it up when it's taken me this long to get it just right." He steps in and I try not to flinch away, instead letting my eyes follow his movements.
It doesn't take two seconds for him to shuffle around the numerous amounts of loose nails and pieces of wood from the top of the desk.
As he sifts through it, I raise an eyebrow at the rest of the shed. It's messy to say the least, a complete opposite to his previous words.
Or more that it's cluttered, and suddenly he pipes up as if he notices my expression under the dim lighting.
"I know where everything is, so don't move a thing." I could have laughed if I wasn't shitting myself still.
Eventually he lifts off exactly what he wants, before leaning over me and picking up another tool from the shelving unit above my head. Annoyingly, I cower, inching my head down as if I were dodging the bullets all over again.
"This is organised mess." He quips, a faint flutter of a smile at the corner as he tries to make me feel better. I assume he saw my fear, and for some reason, I let out my own small smile quirk at the edge too.
It makes him pause for a second until he steps out of the shed and without another word, shuts it closed behind him.
The bottom of the door grating against the concrete all over again before I can hear his thudding footsteps putting distance between us.
I'd thought I'd cried enough, but the minute he walks away and the footfalls fade out of hearing, I can't stop the sob escaping me.
It takes a sharp intake of air between them, it's loud and unyielding. It hurts my lungs and I'm sick of the constant  headache that's starting to set in again.
I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of feeling like this.
When is it going to stop hurting?
When am I going to wake up and actually want to be awake, instead of hoping for an empty unconsciousness.
But then again, if I'm not awake then I can't help anyone.
Except even now, I'm starting to think I'm no use to anyone awake either.
It's not exactly like I helped anyone, or any of those who died in front of me. Their names repeat in my head so I'll never forget each moment, their last expression and their last words.
One after the other dropping dead in front of me. Growing up, I never thought for a moment I'd see so many dead eyes staring me out... To be completely honest, I'd never thought I'd see anything like it even once.
Never mind any of this.
"Riley! Leave him alone."
I don't have a chance to stop the tears before the door is thrown open and a tall woman looks down at me.
"Jesus Ben, he's just a kid." I gulp again, wiping my eyes to rid the tears. 
I wasn't a kid, I was twenty one now.
Another thing that had passed me by without even noticing.
"Kid or not, we're not letting him in the house. The shed is fine, it won't do him any harm." Ben emerges beside Riley, leaning an arm on the door.
Listen to him.
I didn't feel comfortable going into a strangers house, certainly not after last time.
"Ben!" A scolding tone to it, "You more than anyone should know better."
"It's because I know better that I don't want him in the house... Not everyone is worth helping."
Now this is something I can get behind. If I were them, I wouldn't let a complete stranger into my house.
But now I'm sitting here, listening to their conversation between the two of them as if I weren't even there.
"You pessimistic idiot. Help him in, I'll get him a change of clothes." Without waiting for his defiance she hurries away leaving me looking up at Ben, who grumbles to himself in annoyance.
"Honestly, I regret moving in with that woman more and more everyday."
Ben stands up fully and off the doorframe.
"Come on, get up." I would have shaken my head, but then again I wasn't sure if I even had a choice at this point.
And I was cold.
So I standup, shaking on my feet and I stumble towards him.
I don't feel like me, I used to be defiant and brave.
Now I can barely look someone in the eye, if I'm not angry... I'm just nothing.
"You better not take advantage of her goodwill. If it were up to me, you wouldn't step foot in that house."
"Then why? You don't know me, you don't even know if I'm safe." I'm not sure why I said it, it certainly wasn't the best way to keep a safe place to stay tonight.
"My exact thoughts but technically she's my landlord, and she's mental enough to do this. I don't have much of a choice." He grumbles, signalling for me to follow so I have to limp across the small garden to the open back door.
A flood of light cascading down onto the concrete, a small dirtied brown mat in front of the step up to the door.
Ben sidesteps just before it, signalling me in and analysing me as I hobble through the door.
Now that the cold has settled into my bones, the pain in my leg is intense.
But when I step into the kitchen, a swell of hot air hits my cheeks.
It spreads across my skin and makes me sigh to myself quietly.
Riley is nowhere to be seen so I end up standing in the middle of the room unsure what to do but enjoy the feeling of heat spreading over my body.
The door shuts behind me, my head flitting back to see Ben locking it behind him. A few seconds later whilst I shuffle on my feet, the chair scrapes along the floor.
"Sit down and stay out of trouble." Without saying anything, I sit down on the plain wooden chair. It's not massively uncomfortable but it's relaxing if only because it's not solid concrete.
He leans against the counter, staring me out. It's almost as if he's not even blinking, it's disconcerting.
"Thank you."
"Don't thank me." He said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning even further back against the counter before both out heads to the door as Riley comes in.
She drops a pile of clothes on the table, sifting through them and I see Ben lean forward to peek at them.
"You're giving him my clothes!?" A look of obvious disbelief.
"His are still soaking Ben, don't be selfish." He laughs, shaking his head.
"Selfish? Are you mad women?"
She sends a look of narrowed eyes and raised eyebrow to Ben, "Hush you. Stop whinging, it's only some clothes."
"But not yours, huh?" He said.
She smiles wryly, "Of course not, mine wouldn't fit. Would they?"
She ignores any arguments arising from him, dropping her decided clothes right in front of me.
"Ignore him. They should fit fine, you can change in the bathroom. Just through the door and then on the right." Her head flicked to the corner door by the large silver fridge.
I hesitate for a few moments, slowly dropping a hand over the clothes.
They're fresh, soft under touch. It's a kind of cleanliness that doesn't exist in my world anymore so I'm not sure what to do with it.
"Hurry up. Ben'll make you some food." He cuts in quickly, irritated.
"I'm sorry, what?" A sharpness to his tone apparent.
Except her head turns to him with a raised eyebrow again and I see him roll his eyes in defeat. "You heard me."
I snort quietly to myself, something only Riley seems to hear as her green eyes catch mine with her own smile.
"Go on." I whisper a thank you when I pass her, making my way through the door before entering the bathroom. It isn't until I've shut the door behind me that I noticed the sheer volume of scratches on the palm of my hands.
I plant my head on the door as I look down at them, dropping the clothes onto the edge of the sink so I can turn my hands over to analyse them further.
It was obvious my hands were literally numb under that water because I hadn't noticed how hard the rocks really did cut into the skin.
They look raw and jagged along my palms, ripped open messily.
I didn't spend long in there, the foreign surroundings and the thought of what had happened tonight meant even if they were strangers... I didn't want to be alone for too long.
These people are innocent bystanders really, and I'd brought them into my mess anyway.
I drop my soaked clothes over the radiator, pulling on the thick jumper. My body is very lean now, and it's not from working out. My appetite was abolished the moment I went into that place. Pulling the drawer strings tight over my hips I look over at the bag on the ground. Dropped in front of the sink, and before I can stop myself I undo the zip.
My hands know exactly what to feel for, the cool bottle holds a feeling better than this. It'll help with the nerves, flipping open the top and chugging the entire of it down.
A feeling of guilt eating away at me, or shame. Didn't matter which one it was, theyl felt the same to me.
Once the empty bottle is back in the bag, I quietly open the door but falter in my step near the kitchen doorway when I hear them talking to each other.
I shouldn't eavesdrop but I also needed to make sure they weren't like any of the others.
So I won't feel guilty about this.
"If you want him here, That's on you. But I'm not getting involved."
"That's fair. I just thought you'd have been more open to him."
"Open?" A scoff sounds in the quiet room and I quieten my breaths even further as if they'll hear me if I don't remain absolutely silent. "He trespassed and he-"
She cuts him off, "He what?" Nothing is said in response or more she jumps in before he can get another word in edgeways, "He slept in there? Disgraceful. Kids these days have no bloody respect." Sarcasm dripped from her tone.
"You're naive."
Riley raises her voice, an accusation clear as day when she bites back at Ben. "Me!? Naive? Or maybe I'm just not completely blind like you!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
A frustrated sigh echoes into the hallway, "Nothing, Ben."
"Oh, don't get started on Simon. We have a complete stranger in the house who YOU invited in like some lunatic."
There's quiet again, until Riley prods at him further. "It's not too late to call him, you know."
Maybe I should stop listening now, this is too personal.
"He doesn't want to hear from me Riley and that's that. I'm giving him the space he wanted and I can't do much more than that." He said.
"But I told you this, he doesn't want it. He wants to know you care about him enough to disregard that." Even I furrow my eyebrows at that, but then, I don't need to invest myself in someone else's private life.
Ben dismisses her, "And I've told you before that's a stupid concept. He's more intelligent than that."
"Intelligence, smelligence... We're all dumb as fuck when it comes to being in love."
Ben scoffs again, "Maybe you."
After some time, it's like Riley gives up on him. The sounds of them moving around the kitchen can be heard. It isn't till just before I have the courage to walk into the room that Ben changes the subject.
"He's on the sofa for one night but that's it. We don't want any trouble, and given the state of him... It looks as if he's got every chance of doing exactly that."
This time I step in, their heads jolting to the door in surprise.
"I'm not here to cause trouble." My voice came out shaky, "And i'll be gone by the morning. I'm sorry I've put you out."
"Early in the morning I hope." Ben snips, Riley sending him a quick glare.
I nod my head quickly, "As early as possible."
Now, he looks a little more intrigued.
"Where are you headed?"
I hesitate, but then again. I'm sure it wouldn't matter to them.
"The city centre." I say, he lifts an eyebrow.
"Not many sheds to camp out in there."
"Ben." Riley juts in.
"What!? I'm just saying, he's not going to find anywhere safe to sleep at night in the middle of the city centre. Look mate, your best bet is sticking in the outskirts...  Less money begging but it'll be a down right safer out here then there." My head shakes, rubbing a palm over the back of my neck.
"I'm meeting someone." They both pause.
"You are? Who?" Riley looked at me interested, leaning forward over the table between us.
"My girl-" I stop, cause she wasn't that of course. "I'm meeting my friend."
"Any reason you can't stay with her tonight?" He points out, turning his head back and picking out some toast that pops up behind him. Flinching when the toast is hotter than expected and he drops it onto the plate.
"I don't exactly know where she is.... It's complicated." I cross my arms over my chest.
"You aren't some stalker that we're facilitating here?" Riley looks at me too, pulling out her own chair and sitting herself on it and leaning her elbows on the table.
I shake my head, "No, like I said... It's complicated."
I wish it wasn't.
"I just want to make sure she's okay." I say truthfully, cause right now... I didn't know.
I didn't know a thing about anything when it concerns Ella anymore.
Except that she's led me to Manchester, that's it.
And even then, that could have changed. I know more than anyone knows that things change...
If I'd known what would happen, I wouldn't have been so unsure about going further with her.
I wouldn't have second guessed myself, I would have kissed her way before I even met Reme. I could kick myself for saying I didn't know how I felt back then. Cause I knew exactly how I felt but I was too scared to admit it to her. Scared that maybe I was wrong about how I interpreted her expressions and actions, scared that I'd pushed it on her and scared that I'd end up losing her.
"It's another hour walk into the city centre, did you want a lift in the morning?" Riley pipes up, tapping a hand on the table.
"Jesus Riley! Give him the car, why don't you!" She waves Ben's raised voice away, as if he were just a nuisance fly in her way.
"Stop being melodramatic. I've got work in the centre anyway. It's no trouble." I smile back at her.
"We don't even know his name." He grumbles from the side, tipping some beans onto the two pieces of toast.
I jump in, taking a step forward. "It's Lucas."
"You got a surname with that?" The plate in his hands, he looks back at me but I stay quiet.
"That's fine, you don't have to tell us." Riley says but Ben frowns towards her.
"It is? I'd like to know just to check that he's not wanted or some shit."
I'm not wanted, certainly not by any official body that would advertise it.
"I swear, I'm not." Liar. That's what I was, cause I may not be on a wanted list... it didn't mean I wasn't on the run.
He grumbles something incoherent from the other side of the kitchen, leaving me shuffling on my feet.
"Leave him alone." She says which shuts up Ben's run of quiet swear words. A chair is pulled out in front of the plate and Riley drops a fork and knife beside it before looking up at me.
"You want to eat something?"  Pointing a hand to the plate on the table.
And for once, I actually did.
My stomach appreciates the hot food, grumbling away and I savour the feeling of a full stomach. Something I hadn't really had in a while.
I'm not sure why I have my appetite back, especially after today.
Maybe it's because I remember that video too, and now I know I have to fuel myself for an inevitable fight.
But that's assuming she's even still alive...
I want to believe that, I had to... that she's alive.
Otherwise, what am I doing all this for?