(DISCONTINUED) ps: i really like you | ibuki x mikan

limerence and heartbreak

"do you like girls or should i give up?
make me feel like i will be enough.
i wanna be, I wanna be your boyfriend,
i wanna be, i wanna be your bestfriend,
i wanna be, i wanna be your boyfriend.
i wanna be, i wanna be." -violet, vial

Limerence, meaning the state of being infatuated with someone.

The first time Mikan really thought she liked girls, was when she was 12 years old.

Mikan doesn't even remember what the context was, but she remembers going to a party with her family. You know, the one where you have no idea who anyone else is.

Mikan was nervous. Mikan was shy. But she remembers an older girl, maybe by three years, introducing herself to her.

And like a moth to a flame, Mikan was drawn in by the light.

She had a pretty laugh, a pretty voice, a pretty face. Long, strawberry blonde hair. Mikan wasn't sure if it'd be rude for her to ask to touch it. Her eyes were pretty, blue like the ocean.

Mikan liked her jokes, and maybe she laughed a little too much sometimes, because sometimes the pretty girl would look at her strangely. Mikan liked the attention from a pretty girl.

She was charming, and Mikan was addicted.

The song playing in the background didn't matter. The other people didn't matter. Only the girl mattered.

Everything about her was perfect, from the bottom to the top, and it was the first time that Mikan thought, maybe, maybe she didn't like boys.

Mikan remembers running up the stairs to lock herself in the bathroom. These new feelings were weird. It freaked her out. There was too much noise yet none at all. Is she supposed to like girls?

She thinks maybe she'd like to kiss the pretty girl in the bathroom, just them. Mikan is already awaiting their next meeting.

Maybe Ibuki isn't an older girl, with blue eyes, and strawberry blonde hair. Maybe Ibuki wasn't like her at all.

Ibuki is loud and fun. The girl was not like Ibuki. Mikan didn't mind, though.

Still, Mikan wants to kiss her in the bathroom where it's just the two of them.

Mikan was struck with limerence when she met Ibuki and the pretty older girl.

♥︎

Mikan doesn't exactly have high expectations or low expectations for what'll happen when she walks into the classroom.

She expects Ibuki and Chiaki hanging out together. That's normal.

What she doesn't expect is Mahiru nudging her and implying they're dating, while Hiyoko nods along.

"Aw, cute couple they make, right?" she says, Hiyoko giggling in the background, and Mikan wants to scream, scream, scream.

Ibuki's smiling, brighter than ever before, and Mikan wonders if she can make her smile like that. Chiaki's smiling. She can't lie and say they don't make a cute couple

Maybe they're a better couple than what Mikan and Ibuki would end up as. Maybe it's better this way

Mikan walks over to Ibuki, begging for it not to be true.

Mikan's never felt this way about someone before. Mikan has never been this upset over an unrequited crush.

Mikan has never wanted to resent Chiaki more.

But Chiaki's an angel, and she understands why Ibuki likes her. Mikan just wishes it was her.

"HEYOO MIKAN! Didya hear? Me and Chiaki are together!" Ibuki announces to Mikan.

"That's.. Um.. That's great! I..uh.. I'm really happy for you.. um.. guys!" Mikan says, tears threatening to run down her face as she spoke.

"Thanks mikan! You're waaay too sweet!" Ibuki giggles, and so does Chiaki.

chiaki chiaki chiaki chiaki.

She's pretty, isnt she? Mikan wishes she were her more than even before. Her voice is pretty. She's calm. She's sweet. She's the girl Ibuki wants.

Chiaki is so pretty, and Mikan can never compare.

"I hope you guys are, um, happy together! Treat ibuki well for me!" Mikan says. Maybe to Ibuki and Chiaki, it's meant as a joke, but it hurts so, so, so much.

Mikan's not lying. Chiaki better treat her right. She'll write a goodbye letter of some sorts to Ibuki, but she doesnt know if she can bring herself to do it. Chiaki better treat Ibuki right.

Because Ibuki deserves the world, her darling Ibuki.

Oh, Mikan was hopeless from the start.

(mikan will bury her secrets six feet under.)

a/n
sorry this chapter rook so long, its a bit short too, sorry sbt that : ( yes the older girl is junko lol (i dont ship junkan.)