Under the sky in room 553

13

[Trigger Warning: The following scene contains a suicidal attempt, please read at your own risk. If you choose to skip, look for a line of asterisks. That's when the scene is done.]

"I can't go today, Soobin. I'm sorry."

Another empty excuse as he pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up. Yeonjun sighed to himself before leaning back against the tree, pulling up the first name in contact, and pressed the dial.

One beep. Two. Then, three. Yeonjun grew exasperated. He'd grown to detest beeping noises, and this was unnecessarily getting under his skin. Yet, he didn't expect it to stop anytime soon.

"The number you are trying to reach isn't available now, please try again later."

The automated voice sent him straight to voicemail. That didn't bother Yeonjun, anyway. Because it was exactly what he dialled for.

"Gyu, it's me again. I had a horrible day today." He sighed, putting the phone closer to his mouth. This had become a routine for him, visiting the park and leaving Beomgyu's phone number a voice message at the end of every day.

It had been another arduous year for Yeonjun. He'd graduated now, looking for his opportunity to start a career as a dance teacher. He had long dreamed of celebrating his graduation day with Beomgyu, the younger standing right next to him on that venue stage—dressed in a similar gown, wearing a similar hat, staring at him with the proudest smile in the world.

When he wasn't there, Yeonjun felt like he was on that stage alone although hundreds of others were beside him. Feeling lonely in a crowded room was possibly the second worst feeling he'd ever encountered. Only Taehyun, Hueningkai and Soobin were there to celebrate it with him. Back then, he told himself that it was enough.

Ever since Beomgyu left, Soobin had been trying to spend more time with him. For once, they would meet outside the hospital, and Yeonjun was forced to realise just how normal the other boy looked without his lab coat. On lonely nights when the silence of his own bedroom had him in a chokehold, Soobin was there to soothe his uneven breaths. On days when Yeonjun's signature smile didn't reach his eyes, Soobin was the first to reach for his hand. When he took longer than usual to respond to a text, Soobin would almost always call him precisely an hour and a half afterward. Every single time, he was right on the clock. This time was no exception.

Except, Yeonjun made yet another lie. Today was one of those days, but strangely enough Yeonjun couldn't find the strength in him to fake another smile in front of Soobin. He knew the other boy would never say it to his face, but deep down he knew just how much of a hassle he'd been.

That was all he was—Choi Yeonjun, a burden. A failure.

He was never a patient at that hospital, but somehow it turned out that this nurse had been taking care of him for far longer and far more attentively than he would those in his professional demand. And God had Yeonjun felt like utter scum sometimes for always being dependent on him. He was the older one, but why was it that Soobin acted the part more than he did? When will he finally be able to live on by himself?

It was when he realised he wouldn't, that led him to the park—a bottle of pills in his coat pocket, a phone in the other. So now, he sat, knees hugged to his chest under a shrouded maple tree, leaving a voicemail to a number he'd spent half of his monthly wage paying just to keep open. 

"Has it been long enough? Because I can't do this anymore, Gyu. It's becoming too exhausting, and I don't know if I have any more reasons to keep going. You're not here anymore, and I just—" he had to stop himself before he began getting all choked up. "I... I've given up."