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''I just can't do this anymore.'' I hear the aggravation in my voice, how embarrassing. Why do I always do this right after having sex?

"What's the matter love, you don't like it?'' he teases, the drawl of his accent making him so sexy. Yet, I just can't get there. I look at his naked body sprawled across his bed, flawless. I love looking at his skin, his long lean arms, the veins in his hands, the trail of hair running beneath his sculpted belly to his...

I like it, don't I?

"I love it.'' I try to comfort, ''It's just we've been having this friends with benefits thing for a while, and, I haven't, you know...''

''Haven't benefitted?'' He questions, thank goodness I didn't have to spell it out for him. Typical college guy that hasn't noticed if a woman orgasms or not.

"You seem so tense love, and you get so excited, maybe too excited. Maybe you need to try and relax?'' He offers, wrapping his arm around me, cupping my body against his into a cuddle. I really don't have time for this.

Too excited? What does that even mean? Maybe I have been feverish lately to get into bed. I don't know what it is with me lately, I just want to feel something. Something I can't put a name to.

Ethan and I have been going at it all morning. And honestly instead of relaxation all I feel is so pent up. I need to get out of his bed and focus my mind to other things.

"Ethan, I really need to get going to my interview with the the Chancellor. We can talk about this later.'' I pull away from him and head to his shower, the good thing about Ethan is his own place and no public dormitory bathrooms.

"Autumn, let me join you, let me help you with your... frustration.'' He calls after me, following me down the hall and softly grabbing my hand to pull me around. "I really like you.''

With all the stress of university, my meeting for a job helping peers amoung the school's counselors, and countless other obligations, I want nothing more than a good old fashioned release. I do not know if there is something wrong with me, or if Ethan just cannot provide.

Either way, I just want to shower alone. "No, I need some time to myself.'' I say sternly, pushing the door closed between us.

"Autumn, come on honey, I can shower with you just tell me what you want and it's yours.'' I feel his disappointment through the door, and I know that things between us need to end before he gets too attached.

"I can't do this anymore Ethan, it isn't good for either of us. It was supposed to be no strings attached, and the feelings between us, it just isn't-"

"It doesn't have to be serious, Autumn, I just think we have a good thing here.'' Great. How am I supposed to break up with someone, through their bathroom door, when we are not even together.

"Ethan I really haven't, haven't... I just haven't been there in months and it's bothering me. I don't want to ruin our friendship by continuing on this way.'' That's the best I can do, I turn on his water and step inside the warmth, drowning out his response.

I check my phone, how did I not hear my notification? Only 30 minutes to shower, get back to campus, and start my interview, how did I let hormones jeopardize my future? Hopefully Ethan is still willing to drive me back after this fiasco.

No more distractions. I'm swearing off sex. Just school, work, and my future. I just have to get past this mood I've been in. Honestly, I doubt it will be that hard to forget sex with the way things have been going.

...