Crusty seemed incredibly disappointed that Annabeth didn't fit. The bed was much longer than her.
"Almost, darn it."
Percy and I tried to use his disappointment to make a run for it. Unfortunately, he noticed and quickly grabbed us by the back of our necks. His grip was as strong as Echidna's, if not stronger.
"Whoa, kids. Don't worry. We'll find a pair for you in a sec."
"Let our friends go!" I said.
I tried to make it sound even the slightest bit intimidating, but the strain on my neck made it sound anything but.
"Oh, sure I will. But I got to make them fit first." the giant said.
"What do you mean?" Percy asked.
"All the beds are exactly six feet, see? Your friends are too short. Got to make them fit." Crusty explained.
I glanced over at my friends as they struggled with the ropes. Unfortunately, the ropes seemed to be magical. I was pretty sure nothing could loosen them without magic.
"Can't stand imperfect measurements." Crusty muttered as he looked at my friends.
"Ergo!"
More ropes shot out, this time wrapping around my friends' ankles and armpits. Then, to my horror, they began stretching them, pulling their legs one way and their upper body another.
"Don't worry. These are stretching jobs." Crusty assured us.
"Maybe eight extra centimeters on their spines. They might even live. Now, why don't we find a bed you like, huh?"
"Percy! Penny!" Grover yelled.
Annabeth didn't call out, but her look told me everything. We needed to do something, and we needed to do it fast.
"Your real name's not Crusty, is it?" Percy realized.
"Legally, it's Procrustes."
I'm sad to say I didn't remember much about the name. Only something about the giant trying to kill people with excessive kindness, and that he had been killed by Theseus.
"The Stretcher." Percy said, clearly remembering more about the myth than me (wow, that's embarrassing).
"Yeah. But who can pronounce 'Procrustes'? Bad for business. Now 'Crusty', anybody can say that."
"You're right. It's got a good ring to it."
Crusty's reptilian face lit up with happiness.
"You think so?"
"Oh, absolutely. And the workmanship on these beds? Fabulous!"
For a moment I was confused. How was flattering the monster supposed to help us? But then I felt the grip on my neck loosen just a tiny bit. He was dropping his guard.
"I tell my customers that. Every time. Nobody bothers to look at the workmanship. How many built in lava lamps have you seen?" Crusty complained.
"Not too many." I chimed in.
"That's right!"
"Percy! Penny! What are you doing?!" Annabeth yelled.
"Don't mind her. She's impossible." Percy told Crusty.
The giant laughed.
"All my customers are. Never six feet exactly. So inconsiderate. And they complain about the fitting."
"What if they're longer? What do you do then?" I asked.
"Oh, that happens all the time. It's a simple fix."
He let go of us and walked behind the counter. I considered pulling out my bow and shooting him. However, before I could make a decision, he pulled out a huge double bladed brass axe.
"I just center the subject as best I can and lope off whatever hangs over on either end." he explained.
"I see. Seems... sensible." I said, trying my best to hide my nervousness.
"I'm so glad to come across intelligent customers!"
I risked a glance over at my friends. The ropes were extremely tight now, Annabeth unable to speak and Grover making gurgling noises. They were running out of time.
"So, Crusty..." Percy began, looking around for a bit before spotting a valentine shaped Honeymoon-Special.
"Does this one really have dynamic stabilizers to stabilize wave motion?"
"Absolutely. Try it out."
"Yeah, maybe I will. But would it work even for a big guy like you? No waves at all?"
"Guaranteed."
"No way." I said with fake disbelief.
"Way."
"Show us." I requested.
Crusty eagerly sat down and patted the mattress.
"No waves. See?"
I smirked as Percy snapped his fingers.
"Ergo."
Ropes shot out from the sides of the bed and wrapped around the giant.
"Hey!" he protested.
"Center him just right." Percy ordered.
The ropes readjusted. Crusty's feet and head were hanging over the edges.
"No! Wait! This is just a demo!"
Percy turned to me and smiled.
"Penny, would you like to do the honors?"
"Why, of course." I replied with a smile of my own, before pulling out Radiance as a sword.
"Just some simple adjustments."
"You drive a hard bargain. I'll give you thirty percent off on selected floor models!" Crusty pleaded.
"I think I'll start with the top." I said, raising my sword.
"No money down! No interest for six months!"
Do you know what made the kopis special? Beckendorf told me it was because the blade shape allowed for more slicing power than other straighter blades. In essence, it had the same effect as an axe, but was far lighter. Crusty found that out too when his head fell to the floor.
Percy and I hurried to cut our friends free. They slowly got off their beds, moaning and cursing us for taking so long.
"You look taller." Percy joked.
"Very funny. Be faster next time." Annabeth snapped.
I smiled as I inspected a bulletin board near the counter. Why, you ask? Simple, if any place in LA had the address of the Underworld, the den of a monster would. I scanned the board for the DOA Recording Studios.
Aaaaand... Bingo!
"Come on." I told the others.
"Give us a moment. We were almost stretched to death!" Grover complained, still trying to somehow undo the damage to his spine.
"Well, then you should be more than ready for the Underworld." I replied.
"It's only a block away from here."
YOU ARE READING
Penny Ranger and the Lightning Thief
FanfictionSo, you've heard the story of Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon, savior of Olympus. But I bet you haven't heard about me. You see I was always there helping him. The kelphead definitely wouldn't have made it if it weren't for me (and Annabeth). So, tim...
