POV: you walk to school like anyone else. your a good student, crack the occasional joke but no one really laughs hard. You play it off as you don't care Instead its added to the pile protected by the diamond hard mask you have played the role of so often that you cant tell its even a mask anymore You want your friends to be parent figures, because sometimes you feel so much uncomfortable energy from your own. When you get home a short list of chores. You get stuck like a lever on wanting to help but the pure essence of your unmotivated mind wont let you, Your used to the name lazy bum and the words of how your slacking. They still bother you but if you show it then you wont have anything to remind you that you are unmotivated You have a safe space to hang out with your friends. Are they really your friends or are they just different aspects of your personality Wondering if that one mental illness you read about and have symptoms of is just your hypochondriac brain wanting to blame all your downfalls on something to make you look like you cant control it . You can control it you think. It was fine when i was a kid. Reminding yourself that you don't remember your childhood. Life is ok. Your not. You wonder if its normal to feel as if your a doll ripped at the seams. You say it is and bury more trauma of your unknown childhood. You think its funny when other people cry unexpectedly because you cant handle it any other way without breaking down yourself. Your not happy but your breathing. You think it weird how people self harm. You would rather just stop existing than deal with trying to explain that if you ever got found out. That's why you have never done it. A kid got stabbed, shrugged it off. The teacher was crying, you cover your mouth to stop laughing. You say your fine.
