his weakness

23| meant nothing.

K E N Z I E

I'm awoken in the middle of the night, I can hear the muffled and heavy breathing coming from right next to me.

I'm able to figure out what is going on in less than a second. Nolan is having another nightmare. I quickly get up and turn to him, trying to wake him up.

As soon as he wakes up, he wraps his arms around me tightly.

"You're okay. It was just a nightmare." I wrap my arms around him, trying to comfort him. I run my fingers through his hair, waiting for him to calm down.

"Fuck." He mumbles to himself and quickly unwraps his arms around me, rushing out of the room.

I don't follow behind, I know he doesn't like anyone seeing him like that. And if I followed him, I'd seem desperate for him which I'm not. I remember everything from last night but I wasn't expecting him to be asleep next to me on my bed.

I have no idea what the time is but it seems like it is quite late and I can't fall back asleep. I'm thirsty but I'm scared if I go downstairs I'm going to bump into Nolan. But fuck it, I shouldn't be scared. Especially of him.

It's dark everywhere upstairs but I can see light shining from one of the balcony's. I don't even have to guess who's there because I already know. 

I'm terrified of the dark, scared maybe a ghost is watching me so I run and I mean run down the stairs and grab a bottle of water from the fridge. I do the same thing coming upstairs. It's just a habit I've had ever since I was a child.

I want to go to the balcony where he is and so I do even though I could be making a big mistake but I can't help myself. Right now is probably the best time to also discuss what happened between us. I can feel the breeze before I even enter and it is freezing but I mean I am wearing a cami top so no wonder I'm so cold.

"Don't mind me asking but how long have they been going on for?" I ask out of curiosity. He's leaning off the railing while smoking a cigarette.

"Since I was eleven." Was expecting a 'none of your business' or something along those lines.

"Oh. I'm sorry about that." I apologise because I don't know how else to show my pity.

"Sorry for what?" He hasn't looked in my direction even once, he's just staring at the navy blue sky.

"I don't know."

It's silent between us. 

I walk towards him, standing next to him now also doing the same thing. Looking at the sky.

"About last night. Whatever happened, happened. You wouldn't let me do what I wanted so things led to another."

"It's normal to me, having girls beg me to make them feel good." What did he just say?

"I wasn't begging you. The fuck is wrong with you?" Woah Woah. He needs to calm down.

"Listen.. if you're going to stand here and tell me off for saying something you don't agree with  then you can go. My head hurts, I don't want it to become worse." Nolan backing out in an argument? That's a first.