his weakness

52| just anger, nothing else.

N O L A N

As I see her in such agony, it's as if her pain seeps into my own being, leaving me feeling strangely fragile. I'm almost scared of what might be going on in that room right now, and the thought of facing her when she emerges terrifies me deeply.

Right there and then in that car. In that moment, I was about to tell her I loved her. But then, something unexpected happened. The look on her face when she saw those messages—it's unforgettable. I've been afraid of causing her pain, but seeing her lose her mom hurts more than anything I could have ever done. I wish I could take that pain away from her.

My own feelings and thoughts are leaving me speechless. This situation is awakening a realization of my love for her. I yearn to be by her side, reassuring her that no matter the circumstances. And that I'm never going to leave her side. But she needs space and I totally understand that. It's not going to be easy for her to ever get over this but I'm willing to wait for however long she wants me to.

This entire week. Away from all my problems with the love of my life has been the best. It's only made me more excited to move on from this life once I'm done with ending this ongoing war with my dad. I swear to god, when we're out of this hospital, on our way home, I'm going to end it all. I cannot have her get even more hurt. After this, anything will be unbearable to her and it's the last thing I want.

My thoughts are all shut out and my mind immediately shifts to the person who storms out of the hospital room we were all in, not very long ago. Saying goodbye to a person that I will miss a lot.

She doesn't even look at me as she leaves, walking out of here. My first instinct is to follow her and I do.

Kenzie and I share a similar approach to handling emotions—we struggle with controlling them the right way. I know her well enough to know she often acts impulsively, finding it challenging to deal with those feelings. But it's alright because I'm here for her, just as she's been there for me whenever I've needed someone by my side.

As I step out of the hospital, the thunderous rain instantly engulfs me, urging me to quicken my pace to catch up with her. I can sense her mind is a whirlwind of relentless thoughts, grappling with what comes next. It's clear she needs my support more than ever. I know she's struggling to figure out what the next step is. She needs me now more than ever.

Grasping her arm gently, I draw her closer to me, unwilling to let her slip away for even a moment longer. I need to tell her that this isn't what she should be doing. Running away from your problems is the worst thing you can do and she's the one who's made me realise that.

As I lock eyes with her, I'm met with a sea of pain and sorrow that cuts deep into my heart. Witnessing her in such anguish is almost unbearable. I'm driven by an intense desire to understand the whirlwind of thoughts racing through her mind.

"I know this must be a lot for you, Kenzie. But trust me, running away from your problems isn't going to help." I softly say to her, hoping she understands. I want her to be able to see the love I have for her that is all within my eyes as I continue to stare into hers.

The abruptness of her words impacts me profoundly. "You should just go." It's as if a switch has been flipped, leaving her emotions veiled. I sense a deliberate attempt on her part, and it pierces through me, leaving me with a sinking feeling—I fear I know exactly what she's trying to accomplish.