Confessions of a Cubicle Ninja

XLVIII: Moving On...

Greta took Keiko home, while Riley waited out in the hall for me. I didn't care about heading back to change, I just wanted to be there next to him. I wanted to look into his eyes like it was the first time all over again.

I only wish the encounter itself played out on the same way. Andrew was different, he was cold. I kept telling myself that maybe it was the medicine they were giving him, or that perhaps he was still tired after all this time. The harsh reality that I was still the problem kept encircling my mind.

He wouldn't even look at me and even when our eyes managed to meet it was brief and unsettling. I thought perhaps my actions would speak louder than words. I stood at his bedside soaking wet with Riley's coat over my shoulders, clearly in distress. Andrew never asked what was wrong.

"What are you doing here?" he finally said.

"I came here as soon as I heard." I old him as I slipped my fingers under the palm of his hand. There was a warmth coming back within them and that warmed my heart. "I was so worried you wouldn't wake up, every day I waited-"

"You should go home."

"What?" I didn't even get to finish expressing myself. Month's I had planned this conversation, all the things I wanted to catch him up on and more importantly my feelings for him. I wanted to apologies, but I thought him my presence would have been enough...at least a start. "There's still a lot that needs to be done. So many things that you are going to need."

"I don't need your help Cora," Andrew pulled his hand away from mine. Still looking away. "Just go home...and don't come back."

He was still mad at me, probably even hated me now. It was all too much to bare, I swallowed hard and it felt like I was choking. Something inside of me wanted to argue, but the last thing I wanted was another fight. Instead I once again, did as he told me to and ran out of the room...and kept going.

"Cora?" Riley spoke as I shot past him, "Cora wait."

I didn't want to face him either, if anything the only choice that felt desirable was running out into rush hour traffic. Smashing the arrow button repeatedly the elevator pretty much told me to go fuck myself as it continued to decline, doors remaining shut.

Hearing his footsteps echo louder, I ditched the elevator and slammed into the door leading to the stairs. Nothing like excessive exercise to make my already heavy beating heart short circuit. Damn Riley's long legs and swift acrobats in high school, he was able to catch up to me before I could pass the first sector.

I felt his arms wrap around me. I yelped and pushed back into him, which ended up through us into the corner when he didn't let go. Tired, heartbroken and beyond mentally stable, I gave into him and balled my eyes out.

"I should have kept you." my voice muffled into his shirt. "I should have just stayed and loved you more! "

"What happened?" Riley's voice was calm.

"He hates me, he still fucking hates me." I cried.

"He doesn't hate you."

"He told me to leave and never come back!"

Riley inhaled sharply and I felt his arms around me tighten. His hand forming a fist clutching the fabric of his jacket I wore, without looking at him I could still tell he was angry. I no longer had any other emotion left in me to feel.

"I don't want to see anymore," I spoke, my voice becoming hoarse from crying. "I'm tired of feeling this way, why does it hurt so much?"

Riley sighed. "Sometimes the best thing we can to to let go is to simple move on."