Birds

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there was a gorgeous bird
prettier than me.
it was beautiful and i loved it as much as i loved you,
but it hated me
.you told me that it didn't
 even the bird told me that it did not hate me.
 but i didn't believe you and it.
because beautiful things,
like you and that bird
hate me.

do not tell me lies, i am not a fool.
i see lies where no one sees.
"For I am a fool, greater than thee."
and i am called nothing but friend.
and i wish to keep it that way.
but i cannot continue on this day.

i laugh
and then i cry
a lot.
"Stop blaming yourself, it's illogical."
hahaha.
"Do not cry for fools, or you will cry all day."
haha.
"It's fine."
ha. 

i've no one to blame but myself.
i can cry all day if i want to.
no it's not fine.
just don't lie to me.
please.

if you can hear me, please, just let me hear all of your voices
one
last
time.
because my mind is flying away
off to the stars
never to last another day. 

"Make your time last!"
"Focus on your future."
"Doesn't that bother you?"
"Shouldn't you be at home?"
"She seems like a gentle soul."
"Why do you stay here if you're no good?"
"How fast would you get over it?"
"Please join us. We need more people."

you're all birds,
pretty and fair.
and i am the idiot who tries to fly with them
aren't I?

(December 2018)

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