Pick me

Chapter 1

My whole life I've been transferred to various foster homes in hope that I might gain a stable household for once in my life. It all started when I was 7. I never knew my parents. From what I was told they moved to Mexico on their supposed honeymoon and went M.I.A every since. If that's no some B.S. story I don't know what is.

Overtime years passed and no sign of my parents, no calls, no nothing. The police were no help since they were in another country and it was up to the country they were in law enforcements to find them. I was angry and confused at the whole Situation. I only knew my parents for 7 years and now a whole decade has passed and they're nothing but a childhood memory, like the ones you have of your favorite T.V. Shows or toys, not your parents who were supposed to be there with you through all stages of your life to watch you grow and be their to give you guidance and love.

As time I went on I started to believe they were dead and everytime someone asked about mt parents that's what I would say. At first it stung like shit because saying the people who gifted you life were now nonexistent. It was unrealistic. I barely even knew them. They were all but a blur. But eventually it just came naturally like saying bless you to a person who sneezes. It was my automatic  and set in stone response to that question.

I've been living my grandma every since I was 7. She took me in and raised me as her own. I don't call her grandma, I call her mom. Cause she's all I've ever known. She keeps pictures of my mom and dad and tells me stories of my mom to introduce me to her characteristics and personality so I could try to picture what she was like since I was fully developed cognitively to remember them. I appreciate her for that and I clung to those stories of hers and her picture so she could at least be real some sort of way. 

Eventhough I didn't know my mom, of course I was yearning for her presence in my life that was now filled by grandmother. My grandmother did a heck of a job raising me and bring me up to be the young woman I am today and I will forever praise her for that. She watched me grow, she was there for me thorough hard, difficult times, my first period, my first breakdown, my first everything. She was my whole world. Sadly, she passed due to hesr disease.

The first sign of it was when I was 14 and we visited numerous doctors and stayed in and out of hospitals. Slowly she started to deteriorate and just couldn't do the things she used to do for me anymore. She had to teach me how to drive so I could drive her around. At the time I wasn't qualified for my permit so we took the risks. I had to do all the cooking and cleaning, even helping her with the bills. She taught me at a very young age adult responsibilities and I'll be forever grateful for that.

Two weeks before my fifteenth birthday my mom got sick on Thursday night. I had it drive her to the emergency room. I was so scared that I was going to lose her because she was all I had and couldn't even imagine where I would land up if she left me too. But ofcourse some things are just out of my control and life took its course.

I was a total wreck and entered a state of depression. I was alone and had no one to lean on or to take care of me. I was only just a young teen left alone in this big world. I didn't where to go from there. I was stuck.

Every since then I've been admitted into countless homes and I hate every last one of them. I'm currently moving into a new one today.

It's so exhausting and draining, I can't wait until I turn 18 and I can qualify for my own apartment so I can break free of this shitty cycle of mines.

Welcome to my messed up life....