After The Midnight Ends

Chapter 3 Bitter Truth

I give my heart and I let her damage it but I crawl back to her and I can't stop now. 'cause everyone else pales in comparison. I can't help myself 'and honestly I know she doesn't love me but I help her through the shit thinking maybe one day she's gonna fall for me too…
        _Beth McCarthy
                                       
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ANGELIKA'POV

"A-A-Angelika I can explain," Dean panicky said.

"yes, Angelika we can…" I cut Nara off.

"cut that bullshit and tell me who spread that I am gay?" I got no answer and I knew I wouldn't get any so I continue

" We need to talk…" I said.

" ok" Nara replies.

"NOT you Nara. Dean, we need to talk," I said in a serious tone.

"and please get out Nara and never saw your face I am done with you" now I know no one can ever prepare for the worst.

Nara walks out carrying a huge weight of guilt. I have a lot of words to say to her always have been but I never got the chance because I knew she never has time for me. Falling in love with a straight girl is hell.
I am struggling so hard not to cry not in front of them...God this hurt so bad.

"A sorry... An I shouldn't have done this but I love her please forgive me A" he pleaded to me hugging my knees but I got nothing to say like someone steals my vocabulary.

"Please say something A. Please slap or kick me do anything you want but please do something" he begs

"Y-you…you could have told me, Dean…" I said, glancing at him. What am I saying tell me what? Tell me like
'Hey, A I am fucking your girlfriend cause I love her and she thinks that my dick will fit her pussy like it was meant to be.'
Well let's go to the point

"But how could you, right? Of all the people only you know how much I love her. We go through hell just for her to like me. That many songs I wrote and sing for her you were the one who plays the guitar, you were the one who records the video.
For all the night I cry in your shoulder because she hurt me…you know every bit of my love story Dean what got wrong?" I yell.

"of all the people why her? Why your best friend's girlfriend?....after doing all the shit together just to call her mine, why? Dean" my throat hurt from all the yelling and from not letting my tears fall.

"Like you, I also can't help but fall for her Angelika! I knew its wrong but my heart of mine won't listen. And being the greedy person that I am I also don't want to lose you…"His voice cracks with tears when he speaks.

I wish I could show my vulnerable self like him but I always hated to show anyone except him but knowing that he is the reason I can't…I always knew I can't repay for all the support he gave me but today I got a chance to repay him all so I do what I think is right call me to fool but it's who I am.

" You could have told me Deanny we could have brought some solution…I know I would have kicked you once or twice but you wouldn't feel that guilty while making love…"
I said, patting his back.

"But I didn't want to lose you…" he said.

"don't you think you could lose me when you spread the news of me being gay to my family?" I asked, removing my hand from his back.

"I thought they would force you to date someone or make you straight again and…" I cut him off

"and I would break up with Nara and you will 'fuck' her without feeling guilty? And the fuck is 'make straight'?
Being "gay" is not a fucking choice! Dammit but cheating is always a choice" I snapped.

So he never accepted me fully?
Its always have been half of everything in my life.
So I never really knew him, foolish me.
It's Ok girl it's ok I will cut everyone who never accepts me fully. NO! I will never trust anyone… not anymore.

"please A I love her. Please let me have her. Please forgive me for all the things I did to you but it was all because I love her, you know how people in love do a foolish thing, right? "he asked.

Selfish Dean it's called being selfish.
But I have to do this for old time's sake.

"I can't give her Dean she is not mine, to begin with, but you can have her if she wants to. I free both of you from me there wouldn't be any Angelika between Dean and Nara's love story." I replied, and turn back to leave.

"But I also don't want to lose you A" he mumbled, looking down.

I shrugged and smiled sadly. "me too Dean. me too. you were the only person to that I was so open to… I am sorry that I am the one who is breaking this 6 years friendship but you are the reason for it the time you choose your horny self than our relationship you break our friendship thank you for being there for me I am repaying now for that" I said remembering all the time we have spent until now.

"And Dean you can't have all the things you want in life, boy, at the end of the day it will be only you and your pillow." with that I walk out of the house that I spent most of my teenage more than my own house the house that carried more teenage memories than my own.

As I walk out I saw Nara crying leaning her body on her car which I didn't notice. When I walk close to her she notices me and runs toward me hugging me tight as her life depends on it, saying sorry like a mantra.
How can I hurt her? I can never will be it like I don't have that capacity. how can I say how much she meant to me when I am about to leave her? How can I ask why?, when I already give her up? Am I doing the right thing? How can I fight with someone to whom I always found myself powerless? How can I yell at my Nana?
But I have to end this, for us…for her.

"Nara let's end this, let's end us, from today onwards I will go on my path and u go to your own…let's hope to never cross our paths, even 'accidentally'. To each our own. Live your life happily without regret and with full of love from now I wouldn't be able to support you from now onward." I pull away from the hug and pat her head like I used to do and walk away finally blowing my head as the tears fell feeling my tears on the ground as they dropped.

I wouldn't fight for love if you wouldn't meet me haft way