Marvel imagines

Loki-You dont need a reason

A/n: WARNING- DEPRESSION/SU!C!DE MENTION

The cold air rose the hair on your arms and the darkness had engulfed you, but you weren't afraid. You rarely were anymore. Because what's the worst that can happen, death?
Your bare feet swing softly with the wind and you watch curiously at how the lights of the city  circle them, twinkling occasionally. It was peaceful at the very top of stark tower, that's why you liked it here. A quiet place where your thoughts could run a rampage around you but you can only see the glimmering horizon around you. Like you are in a snow globe, and your thoughts are standing on the outside banging on the glass and yelling. You know they are there, but they're muffled, no matter how hard they try.
You lay back from your seated position on the edge, the cold cement grounding you, and gaze up at the stars. You see a mere flicker of what was once there from the battle of New York, and wish that you could disappear into the portal, explore other worlds, escape.
You weren't trying to escape the people. You were practically family with the whole team and were with them since the beginning. You had made sisters in Nat and Wanda and messed around with Clint and Tony. Steve and Bruce were good for striking long winded conversations and you often secretly enjoyed sarcastic laced conversations with Fury on the occasions you did cross paths. So you weren't escaping the people, you were escaping the depression. You were escaping the trauma from before.
Your past wasn't as much of a backstory as the others with terrible accidents and problematic parents, in fact you had a loving family and friends, you worked hard, got good grades in school.... but the stress of life left a big impression on you, and when a handful of people manipulated your trust in invasive ways, it did not resolve itself well.

You close your eyes and take a deep breathe to clear your head, before opening your eyes again to admire the stars.
"And what is a mere mortal doing up here at 4 am? I believe this would count as 'dangerous'?"
You smile faintly at Loki's usual... language difference.
"You know technically I might not be mortal, you can only prove I'm mortal if I die, so I'm immortal until proven mortal." You sit up and look out into the city again, a small smirk pulling at the sides of your mouth.
"I do not believe that is how it works." You shrug.
"Humour me."
An peaceful silence falls between you, before you hear him move towards you, and see him to your left, a little further away from the edge.
"I don't think it's safe for you to be hanging over the edge."
You look towards him and rest you chin on your shoulder.
"What's the worst that could happen?"
"You could die."
"That sounds like it'd be fun to explore." His face hardens but in his eyes clash confusion, realisation, understanding and... worry.
You admire how the lights from the city dance in his pale cheeks, and how the wind softly ruffles up his long hair. You make a mental note to teach him how to put it up in a man bun sometime- it'd suit him- before you pull your eyes back to the horizon.
"No... you don't want to explore death. I've seen first hand the havoc it causes. I-I was once like you. And I let go. It bought suffering to my family and people I didn't expect, suffering I am ashamed of causing. When my attempt failed, it bought on so much harm to me, and my family and to... here. And in all the times I had imitated death, it was cold and lonely, even for me."
You look down at the hands in you lap as the first tear trails it's way down your cheek, and falls onto your wrist. Your bring your legs up to your chest and rest your chin on your knees.
"It's just so hard. So hard to keep the thoughts away, or the memories. I don't even have a good reason to be like this. Especially not a reason like the others. Or like you."
"You don't need a reason. You feeling this way is justifying enough."
You give him a small, but grateful smile, and you both sit in silence.
Eventually Loki sighs and stands up, stopping to offer you a hand.
"It's not healthy for you to be alone up here any longer. Why don't we go inside, and we can steal some of Starks ice cream, and we can talk."
You take one last look at the city, taking it in, before you accept his hand.