Any Other Name

Chapter 21

Marshall chewed slowly, staring down at his plate. Then slowly he brought the napkin to his face and wiped his mouth. Eliza didn't know what to do. Her heart was hammering in her chest, blood was roaring in her ears, and her eyes fixed on Marshall. What would he do, what would he say? She very rarely ever saw him like this.

"What do you mean, 'a break,' Elly?"

"A-a-a break?" She was looking everywhere but at him and her voice was quivering. She didn't mean for it to sound like a question. "I...want to go outside."

"You can go outside, Elly."

"Not just outside. I want to...to go out and do things, to make friends. I want—" She cut herself off when she finally looked at him. His eyes were slits and his jaw was clenched tight. There was a vein thrumming on his forehead and she suddenly realized how loud she had gotten.

Still calm, still cool, Marshall said, "You can go out and do things now, Elly."

"I don't want to be hurt."

"Hurt? Am I hurting you now, Elly?"

She looked down to her lap and pressed her lips flat.

"Look at me, Elly. Look at me." She brought her head up slowly, and then his hands were tugging on her chin. "What I've done, everything I've done, has been to protect you, to get it through your thick skull that you can't just go and do willy nilly. There are consequences, Elly, when will you get that?"

She brought her hands up to his wrist but didn't try to push him away. "I know there are."

"Do you? Do you get that people, the people you want to make friends with just want to fuck you, and hurt you, and leave you broken? Out there?" He pointed her face towards the front door. "Out there is nothing like what you read. It's not idyllic, there won't be a happy ending if you go out there. You will only get hurt if you even think about leaving me."

Eliza could feel the tears welling in her eyes. Part of her wanted to snap her chin out of his grip, the other wanted to hug him and apologize. Was she lucky for his protection or lucky that his grip wasn't tighter and on her neck? "I'm not leaving you."

"Aren't you?" He finally let her go, and she felt some welling pain she hadn't noticed suddenly fade. "You want a 'break' to go do, what? To go fuck that fucking Theseus Summers?"

"What? No--"

"Don't lie to me!"

"I'm not lying!"

"What did I just say?" He swung his arm across the table, throwing two plates of spaghetti and a salt and pepper shaker on the ground. The sound was so loud and his face so red that she screamed and slapped her hands over her ears and brought her knees up to her chest. He was breathing heavy, eyes fixed on her, but River was already by the legs of Eliza's chair growling at him.

Eliza took a few quick breaths in the silence as she put her feet on the ground. "Marshall...honey, I'm not leaving you--at all. I just meant..." She was grappling for something that would soothe his anger but still get her point across enough that he wouldn't get mad at her later. "I meant I wanted a job."

"A job? A job, you want a job? Do I not provide you with enough money, Elly?"

She shook her head and brought her knees back to her chest. River barked. "You do! It's not about the money!"

"Then what is it?" Marshall started to pace, a wild smile splashed across his face. "Is it that I don't give you enough attention? Is this place not big enough?"