ambivalent - nate jacobs

.05

after that whole shower thing it's been kind of awkward with me n nate, we're just both embarrassed. he saw me naked and i gave him a boner. we haven't really spoke but now he's driving me to school.

it was still kind of hot outside so i wore a white top and some jeans to school ( pictured above). i just put my hair in a ponytail and didn't put any makeup on.

as soon as nate parked i jumped out his truck and ran over to j, she was standing with rue, her brother and a girl i'd never seen before, she has blond hair.

"rue, i've missed you." i say while squeezing her into a hug, "how was rehab?" i ask, knowing that she was high at mckays. me n rue have always been close, she understands me, she lost her dad and went into drugs as well and i feel like we just get each other. we have some small talk and she introduced me to jules. she's nice and i still don't know why her blood was on nate.

we keep walking and my shoulder bashes into bbs shoulder, cassie says hi, bb says sorry, kat smiles and maddy just keeps walking. me, cassie and maddy used to be so close but then my dad died and we just stopped talking. that's when i got closer to rue and i guess me n j have always been friends.

i hate school, it's so boring and it makes my anxiety even worse. all these people around me, it's fine when i'm in a manic episode but when the lows that come with bipolar it makes school feel even worse. i can tell i'm in a manic phase and life is going to go downhill soon but i choose to ignore it.

by the time i synced back into life in general, it was lunch and i was sitting at a table with rue, jules (who were looking very comfy together) and then there was j, me and noah. i got kind of cold so he gave me his jumper and i was kind of cuddled into him at the table.

the cheerleaders started to come down the stairs and the footballers started to come into the lunch hall. i didn't really care about seeing anyone else but i really didn't want to see nate. he came into the hall and stared right at me and noah and scoffed. i knew he was going to mention it later, if he was talking to me by then.