Ravenwhore

9 Charles

May 25th, 1994,

Dear diary, training with Cedric is going great, he's taught me so many new things. He's nothing like I had imagined him to be. I actually say we are friends at this point. We've been training 4 times a week after dinner. He was the last person I expected to become friends with. He's actually changed my views on Hufflepuff, maybe they aren't all pushovers like I thought.

Draco and I have been going to the astronomy tower regularly to watch the sunset. There has been nothing more than handholding and flirting, but with him I want to take it slow. Kissing and sex have never really meant anything to me, everyone just describes it as some big monument occasion but I don't see it like that. When I hold his hands I always tell him how much I like his rings, and he lets me try them on. But no matter how good it all seems now I can't help but think that he is only falling for me because of my "problem". I've tried to suppress it but it's always in the back of my mind, Mabey he's only feeling these things for me because I want him to...

June 1st, 1994

Dear diary, Luna got talking about her mum for the first time ever today. We were in astronomy and she leaned over to me and whispered

"This was my mum's favourite, she would talk about it all the time... But then she would get really sad," 

She said pointing to our textbook, she moved her finger and I could see she was pointing at the constellation Leo, her finger just below the Regulus star. 

June 7th, 1994,

Dear Diary, today was terrible. In Defence Against the Dark Arts I faced a boggart. At first, I was worried it would be me in the Hufflepuff uniform or me standing in a field exploding with fireworks, but it wasn't me at all. It was Draco... It was Draco hanging from the ceiling with a noose around his neck, his lifeless body dangling there right in front of me. I couldn't perform the ridiculous spell, the sight of it brought back too many memories so I bolted. I ran out of the class and hid underneath the astronomy tower and cried for hours. I didn't go to any lessons for the rest of the day and I sat there until well after dark. I couldn't get the picture out of my head. What if I hurt Draco?. What if I hurt Draco like I hurt Charles?.

On my way to the dorms I ran into Draco who looked as if he had been looking for me all day, but I took a passage in between the west wing classrooms and thought I lost him but once I climbed up the stairs to the Ravenclaw tower I saw him there, sitting on the floor waiting for me. When he saw me he stood up and tried to talk to me but I pushed past him to get to the door. But conveniently the door can only open to the answer of a riddle. The riddle was

"The more of this there is, the less you see. What is it?"

... I didn't know, I was thinking and thinking but I had no idea. Then a quiet pained voice behind me said

"Darkness".

Then the door creaked open. Before I went to walk inside I looked back and it was Draco who I hadn't noticed till then was wiping tears from his eyes. He was crying. He said

"Y/N where did you go?. I followed you out of class but you were gone. I've been looking for you all day''

I turned the rest of the way around and was now standing face to face, directly in front of him.

"Can you please talk to me, what was that?"

But as soon as he said that I knew I couldn't tell him, I knew that he would hate me. So against my better judgement, I said nothing. I turned around and as I was shutting the door I heard Draco say "Please" in a weak and soft voice but I ignored him once again and closed the door behind me.