LEGION

Honeyed

I don't know why all these things always happen to me but let's start from the beginning for this one.

I woke up feeling refreshed, not, for the day I was to prepare my hair for my grad pictures, and truthfully, don't tell anyone but I was dying to see how my hair would turn out. I imagined it being silky soft and wavy, highlighting the features I didn't have. All in all, I was over the moon excited but that was not the word to describe the feeling bubbling deep inside me. Fervent,

I turned over and saw that I had received the money I needed and thanked my mom quickly, I was really glad everything started to fall into place, even if it was at the last minute. But as usual, the devil rose and choose to break me down bit by bit but I was stronger than that, I held my head high and begun searching for alternatives as I was too excited to let the bad news completely shatter me. But time and time again, I am reminded that nothing ever goes right for me. I realized that optimism was bound to leave me a breathless mass of nothingness.

No one and I really do mean no one could help me and I started losing faith but then God loaned me his hand and placed a gift down for me. One of his more talented daughters' that I had forgotten, could've helped me in my dilemma from the very beginning, she was my silver lining.

It was a hassle I do admit; I did feel sad and offended at times but I made it through and I was given something I absolutely adored and I couldn't have been happier.

But again I am reminded of the fact that nothing peaceful nor good is ever given to me without me wanting to off myself and today is no different.

He was there and he made sure that I felt like utter shit. I wanted to sink my fingers under the skin of the most sensitive parts of his neck until my fingers are coated in his blood. Maybe then he'll understand how I feel when he talks, especially to me. When he spurts his distasteful words down my throat or when he coats my body in loathe and dread by repeating to me how much of a mistake I've become.

I'd rather for him to choke on his own blood than to even Utter the words "my" or even " I love you" to me ever, it makes my skin crawl as if there were a thousand bugs traveling beneath the surface of my skin. In search of a link to connect to me for the rest of my miserable life but I never let them travel too far so now they lived in my arms dancing day and night reminding me of my no-good existence.

Look at the sweet blood oozing from its' pores into the air with its sinful screams begging to be heard so they can coat someone else's innocence, to hold them captive in their unholy air. I hate you so much. I hate you so much. 

I hate you so much that it makes my eyes leak like a faucet when I shouldn't be especially over your false being. You are no person, much less an animal. You are a living sin, with the sole need to terrorize me and ruin my life.

I care zero that I don't value myself or that I don't care for my own life. But what right have I given to you, for you to even feel as if you should have any say over it? I rock on the heels of my feet and bum begging whoever listening to rip you from me and to allow me freedom.

A life of captivity is no life at all, so even if it's to take mine I don't care because I'd rather be dead than deal with this.

You can take me with you, to wherever it is the fallen go. To a place where my imperfections are praised and chased after. Maybe then I'll find acceptance in myself, in my "life"

I'd like a large bag of skittles and a bottle of cold water for the journey and I'd be fine. A spritz of death here and there, I can manage, I'm sure. But don't forget that I was living before. Like you, I had a life, but I do hope it's not ripped away from you like it was from me.