Asexual Howell (Phan AU)

Dan: your act is so believable

I stared down at the eye I'd finally painted in, I was finally proud of a piece of art work. It dawned on me that I'd have to write over it so I decided I needed a photo copy. I didn't have the heart to just write over this work, what if I messed it up?

I grabbed my sketch book and dried it with a hair dryer, feeling a little anxious as the room was completely silent until I had made a loud repetitive noise with the drying machine. Did I just call this a drying machine? damn just call it a hair dryer, you're such a loser Dan. 

After my work was finally dry I made my way to the teacher who allowed me to leave and get a copy. I made my way through the quiet corridors, the only sound my footsteps. This was nice, so peaceful. Everyone was either learning or being a prat in lessons whilst here I was semi free to roam the corridors. Around a corner, no yr7 there to push into me, no worries. Another corner, heading down the corridor towards the library where the photocopier could be found in a small room. The toilets to the right and oh.

"Chris!" Someone moaned. 

"You like it when I kiss you there baby?" The guy, Chris, asked in a husky tone. The girl made a noise in what I could only assume to be approvement. I felt like such a pervert listening to this, but then again they were being openly sexual in a damn school building! I began moving again, hoping the couple wouldn't see me. 

"Chris, but Dan... I can't.. keep lying to him" She said in between moans. I stopped by the sound of my name, that's when I realised her voice was familiar. Very familiar. I looked around the corner to find PJ, my GIRLFRIEND, sitting in the lap of Chris as he kissed her neck. They then locked lips and I felt myself being torn apart. Like everything we'd had together for the past 7months had been a lie, my heart had literally been ripped out and stamped on. My eyes burned as tears began to form and I didn't understand why this was happening to me. I loved her, I gave her everything! I even did things just to make her happy. I couldn't keep looking, but my bones felt stiff, my mouth open ajar. They didn't even realise I was here, they were too busy eating each others faces. My fucking girlfriend. How could she? How could she betray my trust like this! How could she betray me? Our love? unless she never loved me... unless this was all just a massive joke. 

My mind was a whirl of thoughts, I felt sick. I felt pain shooting up my hand and noticed I was gripping my sketch book so tightly that my knuckles were white. I don't know how long I stood there for, a minute? But it felt like months. It felt like I was watching all those months I'd spent with PJ crash and crumble. My world was crumbling! Was this because I'm asexual? Did she only want me for sex? slut! My mind outburst the first word that came into my head. nothing but a cheating slut! My sadness was suddenly filled with anger. Jealousy... or maybe it was envy as PJ was obviously Chris' now and I wanted her. 

The bell rang, I turned on my heels just as PJ began moving off Chris. I was sure she saw me as I heard her curse but I just kept walking, back to art. I forgot my eye that needed to be copied. I didn't forget my heart that was bleeding out as I moved. Every step, every heart beat, the pain was becoming unbearable. More intense, my feelings flooding me. Making me flush all over as I thought about how stupid I was. 

*knock* someone knocked my shoulder. More of a brush but I lashed out. A feeling bubbling inside me, a beast that wanted to be realised. I was shaking with anger, a demon was waking up inside of me and I had not experienced this before. I would've been scared if not for how enraged I was. 

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I yelled at the person, they flinched. I was in full flow now, as soon as my mouth opened it was hard to stop "YOU CAN'T JUST FUCKING WALK INTO SOMEONE AND NOT FUCKING APOLOGISE! ARE YOU THIC-" I stopped suddenly as I looked into the scared blue eyes of... Phil. "Shit Phil I'm sorry" I reached out, his eyes were becoming an ocean, the waves over flowing. He flinched and ran. Ran far away from me. I had ruined a potential friendship and a relationship in one day, I was so stupid! I wanted to punch something, a wall. But I knew I wouldn't act on my anger. The worst I had done was scare Phil, that was enough. I saw his black hair disappear into the crowd. 

shit 

"Dan! babe!" PJ. double shit "how are you?" She fake smiled

"drop the 'babe' act" I said, irritation flooding through me, my words venom. She looked shocked, taken back, not expecting it. But she soon changed her expression and flashed me a concerned look instead. 

"What do you mean?" She asked, reaching out to rub my arm comfortingly like she usually did. However, I just pulled back, not wanting her hands on me. God knows where they've been. 

"I don't know" I said and then added, in the most sarcastic, resentful, toxic way I could fathom "Why don't you ask Chris?" She took a sharp intake of breath, she knows I know now. Nothing will be the same again.  And with that I walked away, leaving her stood in the corridor. I didn't glance back, I couldn't look at her. Look into those soft eyes, the eyes that hid all the evil she held inside her. 

I couldn't listen to her pleading, all her heart into her words, except her loves a lie and her hearts cold and lifeless. I couldn't believe a thing she said again. Right now I had to find Phil and apologise! I felt so bad for yelling at him, I was just upset.

I messed with my brown fringe in a fluster. I hoped Phil forgave me...