~maybe I don't hate you~ Connor Murphy x Reader

~Part Two~

                             Your POV:
I follow after Connor, I feel bad. I really do. I don't even know why but- I feel like I hurt Connor. And I just can't stand that. So naturally, After a few minutes I catch up with Connor.

"Hey con..."

"Don't fucking call me that"

"Then what do you want me to call you?"

"Connor. My name."

"Hmph. Fine, Connor."

"Yeah, that's my name. Now what do you want?"

"I kinda feel bad. Are you hurt? Mentally? Physically?"

"I'm always hurt mentally, but it's not from you."

"Mmm okay, Connor."

He had his head down as we walked through the school halls, I felt bad. This was my fault.

"Connor?"

"Mhmn?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"But I can't help but feel bad Connor- i feel horrible actual-"

My sentence gets interrupted by Connor putting his finger up to my mouth shushing me.

"Hush. I get it. I know your sorry. Cool. Just hush."

"Okay.."

Connors POV:

I was honestly kind of being a complete dick, but- it was her fault. I mean, I know I was kind of reacting before I thought about it, like I always do. But that's normal, she should be used to it. And if she's upset. that's her fault. I hurriedly put in my locker combinations and sling open my locker door. But with my luck, of course, every single one of my goddamn papers have to fall out at once.

"This is fucking great isn't!"

I somewhat yell, everyone in the hall stops what their doing to look at the freak with papers scattered everywhere.

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING FOR? AM I A FREAK TO YOU OR SOMETHING??"

I freeze.. so does everyone else.. Goddamit Connor, why don't you think before you do stupid shit like this? Now everyone's staring at you. In a state of panic, I slam my locker shut, forgetting about the papers everywhere. And run. I run through the halls and outside to where me and Y/N typically sit.

Too my surprise, she's also out there.. fuck. I would love to just say she's the reason for all this but, for once I feel as if I shouldn't blame this on her. I mean damn, if it was anyone else I would sure as hell put the blame on them. I just feel this overwhelming guilt when i blame everything on her. I mean sure, I still feel guilty as hell when I blame something on someone else but it's just....when it comes to her.. It's too much overwhelming guilt. I just can't. I don't know why though....I don't...I don't like her...do I?...no....no I don't like her....

In my current state of confusion, I attempt to run past Y/N but I trip over her foot.
"DAMMIT Y/N! WATCH OUT!"

"uhm- I'm sorry Connor.."

Shit... she already feels bad enough.. I just made that worse.. I couldn't help but noticed how she had her head hung low, she always does this when she's upset.. fuck..

"Sorry."
God.. why did I have to sound so fucking blunt about that

"It's okay"

No it wasn't.. I  know it wasn't.. she was just saying that. I know how she is. But once again I had to be a complete fucking idiot and speak before I put any thought into it.

"in my defense you were in the way which is why I even fucking tripped in the first place. "

and just then, I realized how bad I had messed up.

"uhm...aha.. yeah. I'm gonna go now. I don't know why but you're being a fucking dick."

wait...im sorry....

I tried to apologize. but it was no use anyways, she was already gone. and plus, I just tried. the words didn't come out of my mouth.  I hate myself. i hate being me. Im just a fucking screw up. i mess everything up. I awkwardly get up and walk off campus, I'm so tired of this fucking school

Your POV:

Hes being an ass to me today. well you know what? Fuck you Connor!! it was no use on cussing him out though. its not like i was around him so he could hear me yelling at him. I decided to go back inside to sit with my brother and evan for the last five minutes of lunch.

"hey you gaybies."

"i-im not gay!!!" Evan says

"yeah but i am"

"jere! shut it-"

I slightly chuckled at Evan Hansen trying to deny his gayness for my brother while the bell rings. i guess its finally time for me to go to class

                                            ...

                                              Connors POV:

I check the time on my phone '4:47'  Zoe should be home by now, not like i cared but, its still nice to have my little sister home, I mean yeah- Moms here but shes a fucking bitch. and dads at work. just as i finish my rant about my family zoe busts in my bedroom door.

"OMG CONNOR I DIDNT SEE YOU AT LUNCH TODAY! WHERE WERE YOU!!"

"Outside.

"What?! why?!?!"

"  I was sitting with y/n. "

"ooooo! a girl!! is she cute? do you like her?!"

i could tell her the truth. or i could lie. but damn i figured the truth wouldn't hurt for once.

"Shes cute, and to be honest zoe, i dont know if i like her or not."

"You obviously like her Connor!"

I sigh, she's right. I do "obviously like her" she's gorgeous, I just wish my sister wouldn't give me the fucking attention she does. I don't want to be bombarded with these emotions and questions. I just want to be left alone. Goddamit- I just want to te-

-his phone rings-
Holy fucking shit. Y/n is calling me..