Totally No Drama | duncney

guilt | one

         Courtney was twitching her feet slightly on the mattress, head on her old pillow she'd had since before Wawanakwa. She would have said something about good old times or whatever, but Chris McLean hadn't exactly made sure they'd remember it fondly for the rest of their traumatised lives.

     Her mind, as it usually did these days, jumped to a certain delinquent yet again. Lately she'd stopped trying to suppress the thoughts, because it was only bottling it up inside. Both her and Duncan had done a lot of that back when they were— back then.

        She allowed herself to daydream about the green mohawk that she used to say she hated but had grown to like. But before she could even tell the stupid jerk-face, he had gone and cheated on her with not so jerk-face Gwen. Who was her friend now.

     Courtney couldn't say she really liked how things were now. Sure, you would say it wasn't completely horrible being on good terms with everyone but your old ex-boyfriend who had cheated on you, but it also wasn't amazing having guilt and resentment inside and no one to tell about it but herself.

     She took one breath. Again, allowed herself one breath, and decided she was going to distract herself with other things. Dragging herself out of the bed and after taking one glance at her old Total Drama outfit still hung up, she took a different shirt out of the closet, and put it on with some pleated skirt that she'd worn when she was trying to do her student council speech in high school not long after the finale of Total Drama World Tour. 

        She had cried that day. After losing four entire seasons of a dumb reality show run by a sadistic host with narcissistic tendencies, one after one after one after another, she had got even more desperate to win something. To prove she was above all the contestants who just wanted their million dollars, that she was worth something, that she was someone who cared about.. what? What did she care about? Winning? Or.. and then the certain delinquent resurfaced in her thoughts yet again.

     That was how she ended up crying, even though back then she had only lost three seasons since the fourth torture had been yet to come. Because every time she put her wins over the people she cared about, she felt more hollow inside. She never won anyway. Wasn't that funny?

Courtney guessed she had got what she deserved, too. If she won any of them, it would have been too easy to pretend she was alright. To pretend that she was halfway okay and didn't have the most skewed priorities ever. She didn't even know why she always wanted to win so badly. Maybe it had something to do with her parents never being around, and wanting to, well, prove herself, and all that therapist whatever.

Wow, Courtney thought. I should write all of this down and make a memoir. Maybe it'll finally be my one non-failure in life. I did write Total Triumph for Teens.

As she shuffled towards the bathroom of her college dorm (a sophomore as of this late August, though she hadn't started her sophomore year just yet), she reconsidered. Nah. Who would want to read five hundred pages about some stale teen reality star reminiscing about how messed up she was?

And besides, Courtney halfway smiled grimily, I would never know how to end the book. People would want a resolved, happy ending, wouldn't they?

Funnily, she still held a grudge against Duncan for cheating. To be fair, she'd done a lot of things wrong and they'd both brushed a lot of things aside. He was out of prison now, wasn't he? Some court case that she might or might not have nudged Heather (they caught up maybe every other month) into influencing with her witness because who was she kidding, of course she'd rather ask someone else to help the jerk-face than do it herself and face him.

She had wanted Duncan to be perfect. He never was perfect, rather imperfect really, but it hadn't mattered. Even the piercings she kind of liked.

  But all Duncan knew about was how much she apparently hated those thirty two pages' worth of everything about him. And that was pretty much all her fault. Couldn't blame anyone but her deep-seated psychological problems for that, ha ha.

Even all the "Duncney" blogs that Sierra would've followed on Tumblr or whatever was popular back when the show was airing had all gone inactive eventually. No one cared about Duncan and Courtney except for Courtney. Would've been okay if it were at least two-sided.

She'd told them all, including Gwen, that she had fully gotten over Duncan. And, well, none of anything after Duncan had ever lasted. Alejandro was never going to work out seeing as he was only manipulating her to win, and Scott was a slimy loser after all. Courtney had gone on two dates in her college years after Total Drama finished airing. Somehow no one was ever interested in her, and she was sure her history on the reality show didn't help at all. The two dates were a music shop date, and a sandwich shop date. The music shop one was kind of cute until he started reminding her of Trent, and then it got weird. The sandwich shop boy? Destined to fail.

After all, Miss Type A had standards. Too high standards as quoted by anyone who knew her personally.

Courtney could stand to be called "Princess" one more time. Maybe she would call Duncan, just for a laugh. She was too pathetic to even really think about unpacking all of her regrets and resentment on someone who actually, despite everything, deserved to hear them.

She toyed with the idea, staring at the contact name on her phone as she swung open the door. And then she tapped off the call screen, because she wasn't on McLean's show anymore. No need to stir up any more drama.

hey, hope you guys liked that! just so you all know, i have absolutely no plans as to where this is going to go, and only have a super vague plot idea. yep this is how i write ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we'll be having more characters from total drama show up, and this will be set in uni for the majority of the rest of the story. this is a Courtney who has matured a bit and let go of some of her pride since All Stars, but still is rather herself with some major character development to do

my posting schedule is sporadic but probably at least once every two weeks or more depending on how busy i am later on, maybe once a week since it's the summer.