How Did I Forget Myself? (#TheAmbys21)

How Did I Forget Myself?

On a sultry June evening,
sipping on a sweet pistachio milkshake,
I walked on the road, my body smeared
With the aroma of a joyful revelation.
The street people shielded their eyes,
for I was a rotating mirrorball,
Glittering in rainbow splashes
made of newly realized dreams.
That day, I bled onto my journal,
Of steps, I'd take to achieve them,
Of how I wanted to be a poem forever,
Of how I'd embody words in my blood.
Ah, how did I forget myself?

How did I let my feet walk on the
path strewn with unending altruism?
"This degree is alluring. Take this."
"Yes."
"Stories don't make money."
"Of course, but...okay!"
"You have to settle, lady."
"Yeah, okay."
How? Just how?
How did I nod my head to this facade?

I recited my dreams,
Dipping them in metaphors,
to the stereotypes around me.
Their brains tied to orthodox beliefs,
the first words to stumble
Out of their bromidic mouths
were lullabies made up of
A single word - no.
And my unseasoned heart
slept to those motherly tunes.
It slept, slept, slept
until I realized that they weren't
Lullabies, but brooding elegies.

Ah, how did I forget myself?
How did I let C programs dance
in front of my eyes,
While all the poems hid,
shivering behind the curtains?
How did my brain begin having
numbers and currencies for lunch,
When it should be analyzing
Plath and Woolf's sad words?
How the hell did I forget myself?
My fingers should expel words,
but here they are shooting emails,
as my entire being burns in a
Bonfire made of unfulfilled dreams.

©Kavya Janani. U