She Weeps

but...

If I could run, I wouldn't be here. I'd be thousands of miles away where no one could hurt me. Where my heart wouldn't ache and be frightened of what the day can throw my way. I would run fast, letting the wind whip my hair, and not regret not looking back. If only I could run.

If I could have a wish, I would use it wisely. I would keep it a secret to ensure it would come true. I'd lay in bed in my strange house that isn't a home, thinking hard about what my heart desires the most. I'd imagine a place that isn't here, a place truly called home. If only I had a wish.

If I could change the past I would do it in a heart beat. No regrets, no second thoughts, I would just do it. Undo all the things that broke my heart and tore me to pieces. Manipulate time to my will, letting me remain with all that was familiar once upon a dream. Saving myself from the knowledge of loss. If only I could change the past.

But I can't run for my legs are cemented to the ground and my hands are tied. The only thing I can do is look around at the people that surround me, and envy them. They only know what is familiar to them, and I, I've had to let everything go. I want to run and never look back, but my legs are cemented and my hands are tied.

But I don't have a wish, and no matter how many times I look upon a star, it won't come true. The only thing I can do is walk through each day, like a robot programmed to do its job. Stuck in a rut, I do the same routine day after day. I long for a way out, but wishes don't come true.

But I can't change the past no matter how much I want to. What's done is done. I believe that everything happens for a reason, but the question is do things happen for the right or wrong reason? I'd like to believe that this hurt is going to make me better, stronger somehow, but when you're in pain, it's difficult to see a light at the end of a dark tunnel. I want to change my past, but I can't go back, only forward.