Drowning (BakuDeku)

Ch. 1

He was hyperventilating again. The air just wouldn't go in. What managed to slip through wasn't enough. Wasn't nearly enough.

Just managing to scramble into his dorm before his knees gave out, Izuku slammed the door and let his body slip down.

He couldn't breath. He couldn't think. He couldn't move.

He was frozen. Paralyzed.

He was drowning.

Drowning in his own head. In his own thoughts.

Flashes of his classmates came and went. There smiling faces and carefree laughter, while he was off in the corner, watching through a window.

Villain attacks that he was completely useless in. He couldn't help Aizawa. He couldn't save Katsuki.

He was useless.

He was unwanted.

He couldn't do it anymore.

He didn't want to.

This feeling, this debilitating sensation that rocked him to his core, it just didn't go away. He could try to hide it with his smiles and high hopes, but he knew. He felt it. It was always there. Like some sort of parasite.

No matter how hard he tried, how happy he appeared to be on the outside, he just couldn't convince himself. Outsiders were the easy part. They didn't even question him.

They didn't spare a glance to the winces when someone grabbing his wrist a bit to hard.

They didn't notice the food he never seemed to eat at dinner.

They couldn't see the lie in his laughter.

They didn't know.

And that's how he wanted it.

He didn't want their pity. He didn't want their sympathy. That was the last thing he needed at that moment.

He didn't want to burden them. Burden them with his complete uselessness and shitty personality. It wasn't something any of them needed to deal with. They had lives and struggles of their own, what made his any more important?

He stayed against the door, trying to get a decent amount of air into his lungs. He was panicking again and he didn't even know why. It just flared up and it took everything in him to hold it together until he at least made it to his floor.

He was pathetic.

He was weak.

He was a liability.

He was taking gasping breaths now, anything to try and get air in. It just wouldn't work.

It was like he was caught in a riptide. Like he was fighting against the waves of his mind.

And he couldn't fight against them.

They were slowly dragging him further and further.

Until he couldn't see the light anymore.

It wasn't a new feeling for him. It had to have been happening at least once a day for weeks, months.

He couldn't take it anymore.

He couldn't.

He wasn't strong enough.

He never had been.

Katsuki was right, all those years ago. He should have just taken a swan dive off the roof.

He wouldn't be here right now. Suffering all over again.

All over again.

For what? Some silly dream of helping people? Saving them?

He wasn't a hero.

He was a weak, scared little boy.

A boy that was drowning.

Fighting against the current, but what was the point? He couldn't win. He never even had the chance.

He should just give up.

Let it drag him down.

Maybe things would be better that way. Maybe his friends would be happier. His mom less worried all the time.

It was best for everyone if he just kept drowning.

hey guys!!

so um this is a one shot i write like a year ago when i was super depressed one night and you guys really liked and wanted another part. i've wanted to write a depressed deku au for a while, so i'm just rolling with it.

anyways, i hope you guys have an amazing day!💚