Drowning (BakuDeku)

Ch. 2

i updated the list of triggers in the description, so make sure to check those.

The next morning, Izuku almost didn't get out of bed. His body felt heavy and cemented in place.

'I have perfect attendance, it wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't go to class today.' Izuku thought to himself as he rolled over in his bed.

The boy was drained. The previous night's episode had taken a lot out of him. It was one of the worst ones he had had in a while, coming out of nowhere. He still wasn't even sure what triggered it, but whatever it was, Izuku was willing to do just about anything to avoid it.

And right now, that was lying in bed and not getting up.

Which was his plan for the day, until Uraraka lightly knocked on his door, "Deku? Are you up? If you don't hurry up, you'll be late for class."

Izuku nearly let out a sob at her words. He knew he needed to get up, but he wasn't sure he had the strength. 'What kind of hero are you if you can't even get out of bed?' He berated himself.

"Yeah I'm up, I'll be out in a few minutes, don't worry!" He called back to her, forcing the exhaustion out of his voice.

He was happy and cheerful Izuku. Always smiling and always willing to be there for his friends... even if none of them were there for him.

Izuku took a few deep breaths, finally managing to push himself up to a seated position, a groan escaping his lips as he went. "Just today, just get through today."

He groggily went through his morning routine, which was really just getting dressed in yesterday's uniform. He wanted to brush his teeth, try to tame his mess of hair, maybe wash his face, but he just couldn't. Not today.

Maybe tomorrow.

It seemed like he was telling himself that a lot lately....

Grabbing his bag and trying to rub the remaining sleep and sadness from his eyes, Izuku walked out of his dorm. He took the elevator down to the commons, completely ignoring the kitchen and the few other students still littering the room, and walked right outside and to the main campus.

'Just get through today.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All things considered, Izuku thought he was doing pretty well. He had gone through the first half of the day with a bright smile on his face, animatedly talking with his classmates. He didn't participate in the lessons as much as he normally would, but he was just so exhausted. He doubted anyone would notice it anyway.

At lunch, he didn't even bother getting food. He wasn't hungry and just the thought was making him nauseous.

Uraraka had asked him why he didn't get anything when she sat down, he was able to convince her that he had a big breakfast. Iida still gave him a lecture about proper nutrients, but Izuku just laughed it off. He was silently offered some of Todoroki's soba, which he declined with a smile and shake of his head.

The second half of the day dragged on slower than the first. So slow, in fact, that Izuku wasn't sure he would make it. There was more than one time when he had debated just walking out of the classroom.

Everything was just becoming too much. He was hyper aware of the way Mr. Aizawa would tap his pen while reading through papers and Kaminari wouldn't stop flipping through his papers. He could feel every point of contact between him and his clothes, he couldn't stop a violent shiver that made his head jerk to one side, and his scalp was itching so much he probably looked crazy.

He was getting so overwhelmed that he was completely immersed in all the bad sensations. They were steadily building and getting worse and worse and-

"Oi nerd, stop fucking fidgeting." Bakugou snapped at him, effectively dragging Izuku out of his own head.

The green haired boy looked up with wide eyes. When he didn't say anything and just kept staring, Bakugou raised an eyebrow in question. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

With all the strength Izuku had left, he forced a small smile on his face and shook his head. "Oh nothing, I just got a little lost in thought is all. Sorry Kacchan."

Bakugou looked him over, not seeming to believe the lie. "Whatever, Deku." He said before turning back to the front of the room and his own work.

Once the blond's gaze was no longer on him, Izuku let out a long breath and slumped in his seat. He'd nearly lost it, Bakugou's well timed annoyance being the only thing to stop a complete breakdown.

Izuku found it humorous that Bakugou of all people was the one to stop it, even if it was unknowingly.

He looked over at the clock, noticing that there was only about fifteen minutes of class left now. There was no stopping the relieved sigh at the sight. The long, stressful, emotionally draining school day was almost over. He just had a few more minutes before he could retreat back to the safety and comfort of his own dorm, his own bed. He could sleep the whole afternoon and night.

Until he had to wake up and do it all over again.

The short lived feeling of relief was quickly replaced with dread and even more anxiety. He was going to escape his own personal form of hell, just to have to go through it yet again tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that.

It was never going to stop. It was never going to get better.

If he had a nickel for every time someone told him to just relax and wait, everything will work itself out, he'd be richer than Todoroki.

But he was tired of waiting. He just wanted the constant pit in his stomach and the nagging thoughts to go away. He wanted peace and quiet. Was that too much to ask for?

He'd already risked his life multiple times to try and save the day. He was a child, and he'd nearly died more times than he could count on one hand.

It was getting harder and harder to be grateful that he hadn't.

hey guys!!

ya this book isn't going to be good for my rapidly declining mental health....

*casually overstimulates self while trying to write a scene where izuku gets overstimulated*

but hey, do it for the content.

anyways, i hope you guys have a good day!💚