Upon This Waste

Chapter 16

Why is it that sometimes that which does not know its suffering receives empathy from those who see it, though that which knows its pain perfectly well generates nothing more than a vain apathy from those who see? Though, I suppose, usually neither creates empathy. What a strange thing. What a rare and fleeting thing. - David's Notebook

They sat some ways away from the lively, garrulous guns. The guns' talk sounded angry, and their quick snaps left deep wounds like only the tongue can. Back in the rubble of a ruined village they leaned against the crumpled wall of a onetime shop. The sun was hot and they were overdressed and it felt like the shattered stone trapped the heat in the village's remains.

Mike looked over at Isaiah and his face carried a question and Isaiah nodded and looked over at the Lieutenant. "You think this'll be a tough one, Lieutenant?" Mike asked poking his head out from between the others.

The Lieutenant looked surprised by the question as he turned his head. "I'd guess just about like any other. Why?" he asked.

"Just curious is all, Sir," Mike answered. He waited a minute or two and then leaned forward again. "You think we'll use a lot of tanks again, Sir?"

The Lieutenant drew his head forward more slowly than he had the first time and looked over at Mike for a moment before he answered. "No, I don't reckon so. Too hard here."

Mike leaned back again and looked around for a while, picturing what the village might have looked like only a few years before. "You think this war'll go on much longer, Sir?" Mike asked shyly.

"Hell Mike, are you wantin' to ask me somethin'?" the Lieutenant questioned, looking over at him with a funny face.

Mike took a moment to consider the question. "I guess there's been somethin' I've been meanin' to run past you, Sir."

"Well, dammit, let's hear it then."

"I just wanna make sure you won't be upset by it or anything, Sir," Mike stammered.

"Dammit, Mike, spit it out," the Lieutenant said.

"The thing is, Sir; you see; I've just been wonderin'—"

"You've sure got one hell of a loud mouth to be takin' this long, you know that?"

"It's just, Sir, it's like this," Mike started, drawing in a breath. "You don't much say anything to any of us, really nothin' at all except every once in a while, and I was just wonderin' if maybe we did somethin'. You know, somethin' to cause it. I ain't sore about it or nothin'. Just interested, you know. If you don't mind me askin'."

The Lieutenant looked at Mike in a cold and silent stare. He squinted his eyes slightly and tilted his head subtly at an angle. And then he chuckled and his eyes turned softer. "You make me laugh sometimes, you know that. Hell," he continued and stopped. "Hell."

"Thank God," Mike said in relief under his breath as the Lieutenant grinned.

"How long have you known me?" the Lieutenant asked Mike still smiling.

"I don't know exactly, Sir. It's been some months now."

"Yeah," the Lieutenant said looking at the five of them scattered across the wall. "A few damn months is about right. A damn few months." He paused. "How long have you been in the army?"

"Not much longer than that, Sir."

"Do you know how long I've been in it?"