Consoomer

Consoomer: Chapter Preview

I am the consumer. I lurk anywhere there is a price tag. Clearance sale, fire sale, going out of business sale. I'm already there. I buy things. I buy the shirts and objects that are me. Why express myself when I can buy something to do it for me? It's just one grab or click away. Sometimes I wonder what the point of buying all these vinyl records is for, but I just buy myself some fast food to refresh my mind. I love the warmth of a good burger. All the tingling sensations of holding and opening the wrapper. Smelling the juices of the burger makes me forget why I was worried in the first place. What was it? Probably didn't matter anyway. What do I want to watch? I've already eaten half of the food. I need to find something quick. Something short and sweet to finish me off. Ah, a video about what could happen within the universe of my favorite superhero movies. That hits the spot. Ow, my stomach took that meal poorly. Time to sit on my throne. I pull out my phone that seems to get heavier every time I pull it out. Nice! My post on raddit got five updoots. Very wholesome. Raddit reminds me of my time in high school doing band...with my old friends. But now I have more friends than I did then. Millions of them! Lets see my feed. Someone showing off their new PC rig. Very Poggers! Lets see, a dating advice post about a woman who cheated on her boyfriend. Very uncool. "Well he was an emotional douchebag alpha chud. You need a king to match your queen sister." Send. Mom always called me a Casanova. Whatever that means. An ad for... OMG. A LIFE SIZE GAME OF DRAGONS IRON THRONE! Daddy needs it. Let see..... 699.99 for the regular or 1999.99 for the chonker size. I'm such a chonker! Same day shipping is a must. Da doot. My favorite sound. My descord girlfriend is online. "Hey kitten, it's been a minute since you've been online. Daddy is very disappointed in you :( . I still want to go on that trip to Japan with you so we can get married. Look, the age of consent in Japan is 13. We'll be fine. Hello? Kitten?" Send. Ding dong! IT'S HERE! I can't wait to post a picture of myself and this on raddit. A giant brown box sits in the door frame. Wait, where is the assemblyman? I forgot to buy that service. OOf. Well I have the strength of Steve Rogers and the will of Hal Jordan! HRNGHHHH! Snap. AGHHHH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MY BACK! Oh god I'm in so much pain! Arghhhh! The brown box now balancing on the edge of the door lip begins to sway. The box slams backwards crushing our newly crippled friend. Broken and squashed the last bits of brain signals go through his body. Twitching and pissing and shitting. All at once. It took a few hours before someone called the city. They lift the box up and seal the body away using an XXL body bag. After seeing no other relatives in his family tree, the city can now make a buck selling his property. The pop culture bobbleheads and superhero statues get sold to people just like our deceased pal. What's left gets tossed. Just like it was delivered to his home it will be delivered to the dump. There in the trash all the things that our friend thought would make him happy, a young boy picks up a superhero action figure... and smiles. The End.